I told him
I was happy today, so happy I loved everybody. Everybody who danced across my screen or smiled unsurely at me in the grocery store or weren't quite there but I could still remember them. I loved them all, so filled with a almost
painful uncontainable feeling of overwhelming joy.
"I just hope you aren't sad in a few days, I hope that you aren't
bipolar or manic depressive."
I could have slapped him then, if he were there. I could have slapped him and told him
I never wanted to see him again. I will be sad in a couple days, maybe even within the hour. I will be sad and I will cry and I will then be filled with an uncontainable terrible sadness.
So what?
I spent literally years drowning in these feelings. These
horrible mood swings that would cause me to go from happy to sad to angry to indifferent within a brief moment. I have many faces. I have many sides. I have many feelings but
at least I feel. I've tried the medications and they only make my stomach hurt and feel dead. I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't want to change myself, because
this is me. I like my instability. I like that things touch me, and I will embrace it.
I realize that manic depression and bipolar disorder can be very serious. I'm not saying being on medication is a bad thing for certain people, it's just not for me.