I am being made into an angel.
The Beloved has opened a path in front of me. It's walking on glass, walking on coals. Other angels stand and watch. They shoot arrows into my heart.
The temptation from the path is anger. Easy, easy, to turn to anger.
I keep thinking of anger. But I am so curious. Why is the path there? I've seen it so clearly for the last year. What is the Beloved doing? Why does the Beloved offer this?
A choice over and over. Walk in to the arrows or step off the path.
Judas has kissed me. And he has not even admitted it to himself. He hides his eyes from the knowledge. He tells the lies. I would get angry, because they are lies, but I am so curious. Other people want to believe the lies. But I can see that they don't, really.
If I get angry, then we could all believe the lies. I would be labeled, punished, dismissed.
I'm not sure from moment to moment that I can continue. The arrows hurt. Lies hurt. All my work with pain and addiction seems so ironic but it is part of this too. I keep thinking: pain is bearable. Pain won't harm me. I feel it but it does not have to stop me. At any moment I may turn to anger, as my opiate addicted patients turn back to drugs. Most of them don't, though. They choose to keep walking the path. I grieve over every one who steps off the path, falling through the sky in flames. But it is their choice. I see them and it helps me be brave. I stay on the path.
Beloved, what are you doing with me? What do you have planned for me?
This might be for The Nodegel from Yuggoth: The 2011 Halloween Horrorquest.