First and foremost: I am not making this up.

I was watching television. An unhinged animated short series, Animaniacs on crack and PCP and given keys to a city bus -- shorts were only about 45 seconds long.

Cut to commercial. Turns out this cartoon is on a Fox network, and in what seems to me the result of a perplexing marketing decision, they're airing a short, live promotional intervew with the man himself, Rupert Murdoch, about how he's winning the Monopoly game that is late capitalism. (Actually, I'm pretty sure they were just talking about MySpace, but the interviewer's nose was wedged, in the parliance of our times, firmly between Rupert's asscheeks.)

Live interview though, right? And who shows up but Michael Moore, emerging from a shiny black and red van that looked like a milk delivery truck.

Mic in hand, Mike marches right up to the scene of the interview and says, "Mr. Murdoch, I'm here with the legal team that represents The Devil." (Pause for effect: Murdoch is stone-faced, the bootlick interviewer in a panic sweat.) "And they want to know why you're stealing all of his ideas."

Uh. Live interview? They're allowing this? I'm incredulous. I'm also delighted -- I love a good ambush, and hello, the Devil's counsel are going to be on TV!

Then Murdoch said something completely glib and unmemorable.

At this point the spot ends, concluded by smiles all around and logo-flashing. I infer that rather than slipping up and allowing an old-school-Moore live-interview ambush, this is simply Fox's new marketing strategy: Hey, we're Fox! We're owned by Rupert Murdoch and we're really, really evil! You know it, we know it, we all know it, but let's not let it wreck our lunch!

I proceed to be bowled over by Fox's brilliance -- and then, upon waking, at my unconscious -- for devising such a campaign. Good work, icicle's brain! Now back to killing you with alcohol.

for DreamQuest 2007