I am coming to terms with my mother's dementia. What began for me as a sad and horrifying acknowledgement has now become an accepted fact of life. I wrote about this back in October. At that time she was still being taken out of bed twice a day for meals and social gatherings.
Since then her physical condition has deteriorated; she is in her hospital bed 24/7. Her attention span these days is too short to follow television; even with all the naps she takes, the days are certainly long for her. Perhaps that is why, with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling, the stories she tells me are becoming more and more elaborate.
Like many Alzheimer's patients, she believes she is meeting relatives who have been dead for some time. I visit her daily now; recently every visit has included a long, disjointed narration about my deceased cousin, Buddy. Yesterday's conversation was typical.
Buddy appears several times a week in the nursing home's chapel with a friend. They are volunteers, entertaining the residents with a mixed selection of songs and piano playing. She tells me Buddy has a wonderful voice, as does his friend. And Buddy is so handsome in his bright green suit.
I am comfortable with this conversation. I make bland comments and agree with her as she rambles on. She is happy; I am content that she is happy. Finally, it is time for me to go.
Someone from the Activities Staff has installed a CD player on my mother's chest of drawers. As the nursing home is a non-profit Christian home, it is usually playing hymns; I shut it off when I enter so we can talk, then turn it on again when I depart.
Now, as I am leaving, I notice a few CD cases lying next to the player. I leaf through them. All hymns except - Perry Como! She idolized Perry Como years ago. I put it in the machine, tell her I have a surprise for her. Someone she knows.
The smooth lyrics of "If I Loved You" flowed into the room.
"Isn't that nice?" I asked. "Perry Como!"
She frowned. "That's not Perry Como. That's the man who sings with Buddy. He's in there now, in the chapel."