So, this is gonna be pretty long as
buffcore is down and well, I have a lot to say, here it goes..
Let’s start with the
gig on the
13th. I was pretty impressed with
Dropout’s with it being their
first ever gig and all. I sang along to “
How Rude!” and was extremely proud of Mark in his
Buffcore T-shirt :)
Pinkeye were pretty good too, although, I didn’t get a CD. I will be expected one Mr Lane :P
I
promised myself something this week. I made a kind of pact with a friend as well, I want to keep it but it seems kinda impossible right now. Nothing, I suppose is
impossible, we can all achieve everything we want if we put our minds to it. I just need to do that.
Are you ever
scared everyone
moves on and we are left in the
shadows?
We all move on someday, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse but we have to cope with that. What if people move on and we aren’t
ready? I don’t think I can move on yet, move on from all the
pain from anything.
I thought I’d moved on. Moved on from
caring about what you all had to say about me. I’m not sure if I will ever stop thinking about what you say about me. I used to think I would have more
friends if I lost
weight, if I didn’t speak my mind but then again, why
lie to myself? I bought a new top the other day, a size smaller, that made me happy. It didn’t make people like me anymore, I don’t want people to like and not like me because of how I look. I do things for
myself and I am glad I do them :)
You all ask my what the things I say mean. I don’t think I need to tell anyone what any of the things I say
mean. Shouldn’t you all just know? If you are my
friends you all know who I am talking about and what any of this means. I like that. You can read me like a book. I don’t
share many emotions, I’m not really sure how. I try and talk to people about how I feel and why I do things but talking is hard, talking is
painful.
They say
crying is good, do you think it is? Soothes the heart and clears things up. I never really thought that,
writing helps me. Yeah, so what? You all know what I think and what I feel, or do you? You read this but have you ever
understood what I mean? Maybe I’m a little
messed up and I freak you all out but at least I tell life how it is, or how it is in my head.
I’m tired of the
fighting with you about what you think. I’m tired of fighting with my head. I’m so
scared of what is going on around me. I always wanted everyone to like me and that is not always the case, is it? I’m not like any of you, I’m just me and I like it like that. I won’t do anything for any of you. I don’t see the
point, will it make you like me more? Do I want you to like me anymore?
If you don’t know - don’t
ask.