The Drama in Waves:
1 2 3 4 then this (which I found on her MySpace profile {yeah I know, it's for highschoolers and I should know better}).
So she says:
Why is it that I only post when I am upset? I guess it is best to write when you have the most emotion and my emotion best expressed in writing is frustration. Today's frustration, honestly I need someone to make me realize I am valuable again. I know that I am, but it would be nice to have a reasuring constant to steady my ego. It's hard work being happy by myself. In the words of Jack, "losing hope is easy when your only friend is gone." So here it goes again, another letter to someone that really could care a little more, another mistake I could have down without. I know I'm not perfect, especially when it comes to decesions, but it would be nice to make the right one once in awhile. Right now I'm batting a hundred.
Dear Sir,
I know that everyone does unwise things when they are drunk and to that we are no exception. I also know that you are stuborn and I may never get the response that I want, but I will sleep better at night knowing that I tried to make things right again. I am sorry. I should not have never accepted the dare to tempt disaster. We are both realizing life's cruelty and it was selfish of me to try to dilute my memories by adding you, my friend, to the list. Although I am not able to hold a grudge, some may even say I am even anti-confrontational, you have wronged as well and that will forever change my view of you. I will not be able to be the friends that we were without an apology from you. Of course I will still be friends with you, however I will never be able to look at you with a sense of respect. It does not need to be now, or before I leave or even in words, but I do need the respect that I have given to you. Please realize that life is not simply a few beers or a few blocks or even a few years. Life is what you take from the experiences, conversations, the relationships, the loss and so much more you have yet to realize.
Though it took me a little while to regain my composure over reading such an outright betrayal of what we were building upto as friends, I was able to muster a reply:
Caroline,
I too am sorry, I feel terrible that I've caused you pain that's grown into something much greater than I'd ever wanted it to. Life deals shitty cards at the shittiest of times, yet if there's one thing I've found it's that things grow better if you can just shrug off the worst of it and look to what's good in life and run with it. Believe in the truth of the goodness of humanity, which can only be found by getting on with life. There's only so much reminiscing to be done before you start damaging the part of you that should be entirely your own; and seeing you as being still dependent on something that is no longer there pains me. I think this very dependence was what inevitably led me to back out because I was scared that we would both lose our individuality which is essential to getting what you want out of life.
Sincerely,
Dave
P.S. - In lighter news you wouldn't believe where my phone was taken. Tim, in a drunken stoopor, decided he'd grab it the night of his departure to Maui, and has been using it ever since to make calls arranging a hookup for a motorcycle. So I am without communication to anyone except through Amanda's phone, which is the absolute suck. My appartment has a huge living room but really small rooms, so all our stuff has been strewn about since we have no furniture in which to stash it. So I'm off to go build some bookshelves at my dad's.
P.P.S. - You really should email me these instead of making them publicly annonymous (oi, my spelling skills have been fried from summer school).
Damange control is a full-time job, especially when dealing with something as touchy as an disgruntled ex-girlfriend. I recently got a phone message in which she said she had seen Julia (my current girlfriend) and no longer wanted to speak with me ever again. So that's that.