There is no such thing as a person who doesn't get an erection thinking about Rip Torn while alone in the bathroom with the lights out. It just doesn't happen.
My name is Itzak Berky and friends call me Behr. I am said to be the infamous Bear of Berlin who wiped out entire Red Army divisions with a hammer and an X-Man type hand. There is no direct evidence and I cannot be brought to trial but the Russians want me. Good thing the Dutch Boys are taking me to throw me in the Fuhrer's fireplace. They are so dumb that they are taking me right to the Fuhrer, which is where I needed to go anyway in order to become one with him and help him regain form in this world and help his allies in Europe and America bring freedom to the world.
It is a tall order.
We came out of the cave in the mountain because it didn't go anywhere. After about twenty feet we hit a wall and now the hairless ass weasel is digging a tunnel for us. It is going to be a long wait, so I decided to visit the local hospitals and murder the doctors there. It is a shame to see the liberal hatred taking shape in Germany the Fatherland in the form of the false science of medicine and its evil practitioners who ruin economies by forcing people to live past the point of usefulness to the work force. That is not sustainable and needs to end. Work camps for doctors are the answer. In lieu of that, running into your doctor's office and cutting them to pieces with the lid of a soup can is a logical substitute. As Mr. Spock, star of the node tight buns would say, "Captain, it is logical." Stock up on Campbell's soup. It is going to be a long winter (especially for those doctors, eh?).
When I was done I got something to eat at one of the beer gardens that grow naturally out of the ground in Bavaria.
We wait. The tunneling has begun. What else can I tell you? I heard that Slick Willie Lawyer is now working for President Trump's defense team, so that is good news even if he did turn on me in the end according to Angela and the children as well as the FBI. I still think they were lying about Chopper. He wouldn't rat on a friend. Chopper once hunted tender age children in parks. You can't break a person like that, they are too toughened up (something Frank Perdue used to push in his chicken business).
I'm going to try to get a date with the lady I saw at the inn we stayed in under false identities (My name was David Sawyer. It won't be on the test but it is now Behr canon).
I have to work up some new lines. The one I used on a lady the other night didn't go well. Apparently nachos aren't very popular around here.
My friends.