A 21-year old dental nurse from Bermondsey
in London. She survived a difficult childhood, born into a mixed marriage and raised by her one-armed lesbian mother. Jade probably wouldn't have been much more than another gobby cockney if it hadn't been for Channel 4's social-experiment-cum-gameshow Big Brother
. Since then, she has received the kind of universal loathing not seen since the Luftwaffe
last flew over England, while helping expand the boundaries of the English language ("chipstick" and "minging" will forever be associated with her).
Jade was the first person to be nominated in the house - a phone poll was taken to pick the first two contestants to face the chop, with the housemates deciding who went. She survived only by virtue of running against the loathsome Lynne who spent her week in the house abusing the other housemates. From there she survived by finding her role in the house; as the baby of the group who cried lots and needed constant protection. Nobody nominated her for the next few weeks.
Over that time, several housemates became media icons, most noticeably pretty-boy weirdo Alex and sardonic Spencer. But neither could match the fascination with Jade. One of the driving factors in this was Graham Norton, whose monologues in his chat show focused on her rather porcine features ("Jade is afraid to eat fruit. She thinks if the others see her with an apple in her mouth, they'll roast her"). Miss Piggy then became the first person to have sexual contact, giving PJ a drunken BJ. She should have received a lot of sympathy for his callous treatment of her afterwards, but instead she began to become hated as the house bitch. This was pretty unfair, as it was rather obvious that it was her "mate" Adele who was pulling the strings and Jade just didn't know well enough to keep her mouth shut. But still, the media launched an enormous hate campaign against her, with The Mirror even echoing Lord Of The Flies in their campaign to "Kill The Pig".
None of this was helped by the fact that Jade is as stupid as a soup sandwich. Last year's contestant Helen had previously been thought to be the dumbest person in the world outside of the White House. Jade had surpassed her within 30 minutes, by asking the others "what's asparagus?". She continued downwards from there. She asked Spencer if he liked living in London, failing to realise that his home, Cambridge, was in Cambridgeshire. She then followed up with the infamous "East Angular (Anglia)? That's foreign, innit?" To which Spencer could only reply, "Jade, have you been taking your stupid pills?"
Her catchphrase burst to life when she ran into the kitchen, Having discovered a verruca on her foot, and another on her hand (no, seriously). The others attempted to convince her that she had leprosy. She burst into tears and started asking, "am I minging? It's this minging Big Brother. I'm not minging!"
Her lowest point came when they played Strip Drink While You Think. She lost all her clothes within five minutes (she said Kevin Costner, lost an item because he'd been said before, then said Kevin Costner *again*).She ended up running about the house stark naked, being laughed at rather callously by her fully-clothed housemates, with her "lulu" and her "kebab belly" on full display. That was a watershed moment, when the media seemed to realise that they'd turned a hopelessly stupid, naive girl into this horrific monster (for example, Jade's bitching got less column inches than the revelation of Harold Shipman's final bodycount, over 250). from that moment, the media softened, instead turning their attentions to the much more vile Tim.
The last few weeks in the house were especially hard for Jade, as all of the housemates turned on her. But she survived to the end, and finished fourth in the competition, being the first person to leave on the last night. Max Clifford has agreed to represent her, and promised to make her a millionaire. Presumably endorsing Chipsticks.
It hasn't been all bad. As she said herself, "I've learned a lot in the Big Brother house. I've learned what a verruca is, I've learned that banana boats don't come from Kosovo, and I've learned that chickens don't eat cheese." And we've received so much from her. In the words of Graham Norton, "thank you Jade for, essentially, ruining you life for our entertainment."
The bizarre media circus followed Jade throughout her life after Big Brother, all the way to her eventual death of cervical cancer on March 22nd, 2009. I'm sure this says something about modern society, and it's probably not very flattering.