Giving parts of oneself to another eventually becomes a sacrifice. Any soul has encountered a love which won’t reciprocate for obvious reasons unbeknownst to ourselves. We always want to think that once we love ourselves, like everybody says we should, that those we love will love us back. Love to be loved and all that and much more. I waited for much more for longer than. I know I wasn’t alone.
Alone is another story included with this one.
Never knowing where the thing called love would erupt like a volcano was an injustice. I figured that love would be obvious and without the sticky fingers that caused typos. Go figure. Instead, I waited like a rock in a stream of constantly rising trout. I never saw myself as the trout, or the constantly flowing stream or even the rocks the stream bounded. Instead, I was just some guy watching from shore wanting to be any of those things. Wanting is just another word for something else.
I was real strong for a while there. I had the whole wide world figured out. I figured out that life was meant to live, so I did. I just lived. I spent years living that way. I was real happy. In the meantime, I thought of a lot of different ways to live. I never spent any time living those ways. Hindsight is for yesterday.
Figuring that every little bit of myself was worth just as much as a whole bunch made the difference. I suppose that more is less, and less is just a smidgen was good enough. It wasn’t good enough though. Nothing is.
I gave faith and hope a chance on occasion, just like anybody would. Didn’t pan out, on account that I wasn’t panning.
Ever been where I am, you might figure out where this is going, if you don’t know, I’ll tell you this is going nowherefast. It’s a good place there.
Music. A song that lasts.
Life, live it or don’t.
Good ol’ life.
I figured that giving up was an easy way out. Instead, giving in was easier, but giving at ease and instead was the best giving at all. I barely give this way, but finding people to give to becomes giving to oneself. It isn’t easy at first, but with time, and love, giving becomes a secondary emotion in hand with sharing. You need two hands though. A little bit of self and love manifests a cornucopia of vast dimension, beyond the comprehension of the physical hemisphere. If we let go and allow this essential philosophy to overcome, then we can become.
Just a little bit.