How to bake a potato
Firstly, it is important to choose the correct kind and size potato to bake. The ideal baking potato is an Idaho Russet, a nicely formed oblate spheroid mass with neither dark fissures, which symbolize death, nor green nodules, which represent a surfeit of life. A correctly proportioned (the technical term is spudoid) baking potato is between the size of your fist and the size of your foot. At the grocer, appraise the potatoes by winding one of your socks carefully about a selected potato. The "foot" portion of the sock should be equal to the circumference of the minor axis. Now, taking the potato, place it deep inside the sock. The potato should be comfortably contained inside the sock, without causing undue stress on the material. An argyle sock is preferable.
Once at home, remove the potato from the sock. If you have roommate(s), and he/she/they harass you about the pedal transport of a potato, let me remind you that the potato in a sock makes a useful improvised weapon in a variety of kitchen situations. Right then, preheat your oven to 400 degrees (Fahrenheit). Now I use the scratchy side of a kitchen sponge to heavily scrub all of the dirt and some of the skin off the potato under running water. 'Cause, potatoes just look dirty. And while I have no idea what they grow them in, but I know that mushrooms are grown in shit - pasteurized shit, so what would that mean for potatoes? Having washed your potato, prick it all over with a fork. Place the ventilated, clean, perfect potato into the oven. Grab a beer, and wait patiently for about 60 minutes or the duration of two half-hour situation comedies. Or wait hungrily. Or wait not so patiently, but sauté chopped spinach or mushrooms, if you dare, with garlic, and grate asiago, parmesan, or romano in furious anticipation. Or forage in the pantry for wasabi peas and a can of easy cheese. After the potato is done, remove from the oven. I would suggest using a fork to perforate a line along the major axis, then, carefully as it's very hot, place your thumbs at the end closest to you, your middle fingers at the away end, and (this part is tricky) squeeze and turn up, so that the warm flaky insides split open the baked potato. Butter, salt, and pepper liberally, and enjoy in an appropriate and responsible manner.
Do not, when attempting to bake a potato, decide instead to boil it in rosin. While The Joy of Cooking has a very nostalgic recipe for potatoes boiled in rosin, it is not considered even remotely healthy anymore.
anthropod says Surely the size of your foot will dictate the size of your sock, and hence the size of the potato.
RESPONSE- Well, of course, but surely even a monopedal dufflepud would realize that the larger a person's foot, the more calories must be consumed to move said foot. I mean, we are not talking the platonic ideal of russet potato qua russet potato here, we are simply looking for a potato with the correct sympathetic orgone harmonic for its intended consumer.
anthropod continues As someone who may one day shop at the same supermarket as you, I hope that it isn't the sock on your foot, or, if it is, that the first potato tested was the right size.
RESPONSE- In cold weather, I typically wear three socks, but one doesn't fit quite right.