This is something I've been thinking about for
years. I would like my
children to have the same name as both of their
parents, but I strongly
resent the loss of the
matrilineage that occurs when
women give up their
names generation after generation.
However, at the same time, it's only partially my name. It's actually my
father's name. And I have no positive attachments to my father's name--quite the opposite. My
middle name is the
maiden name of my mother's beloved grandmother, though, so I am considering using either my mother's maiden name or my middle name.
I think
hyphenated names are ugly and awkward, but taking on my fiance's name completely just symbolizes too much to me: I am not leaving
my family and joining his. We are making a new family together.
The only good thing amidst the
confusion is that the man who will almost certainly be my fiance is a wonderfully
understanding person and
feminist. If I choose to take a hyphenated name, he'll do the same thing. If I want to keep my current
last name he'll be
okay with that too. It's not that he's just
amenable, either--I think he really understands some of why this is a
difficult decision for me.
I can't see being entirely happy with any of the options, but that's almost the least of the confusing
life questions for a
woman (or any aware
adult). In the
science fiction novels I was going to write
once upon a time, children took their "last name" as simply their parents' first names put together. If only it were that
easy.