I wondered whether I should write this node, as the concept of
fantasies about
rape can be a bit disturbing, but I feel it should be said.
First to define it: a rape fantasy is, as its name suggests, a fantasy about rape. It can go both ways (i.e. men who fantasize about raping, or women who fantasize about being raped.) Surprisingly enough, the latter is much more common. I apologize to anyone who has ever been raped. Probably, someone who has been raped will never understand why anyone else will have a fantasy about it. No man I know has a rape fantasy (at least none that I am aware of). Many women to whom I've spoken, though, have told me about such fantasies. They say that, of course, they wouldn't want it to really happen, but it's a fantasy, and will remain as such.
Second, and most important: about fulfilling your partner's fantasies. This is important, but when we get to this specific fantasy, it is very dangerous. This should not be taken lightheadedly by either side. Because the game can turn into the real thing. In sex, either side is allowed to stop at any time (before or during). The minute one side is having sex with a person who doesn't want it, that is rape. Now, what if during such a game, the woman suddenly decides she has had enough? Perhaps any resistance will be construed as part of the game. He may not understand that she wants to stop. A situation could happen that, even if he does understand, by the time he does, it's too late: she feels that she has been raped.
My suggestion: have a predefined safety word. One that you wouldn't use normally, but will have no problem remembering. "Stop" should be good enough. If you think one of you might say "Stop" when you don't mean it, pick "Red Light", or something similar. (I have even heard of "Armageddon".) When the word is said, both people stop whatever they were doing. The game is over.
P.S. Prior to writing this node, I read Demeter's I am a rape survivor. It affected me deeply. I guess that's why I am all apologetic here. I seriously don't want to hit any nerves, but I think this information might just help someone. Prevention is the safest way not to get hurt.