Seems to be all downhill from here
Yet another daylog about my mother. Disclaimers? You don't need disclaimers. You need good reading, yeah!
I should write something witty or semi-intelligent here, I guess. But it's hard.
Senility or dementia - I'm not sure which if not both - is an odd state of mind. It seems to me as if a senile person is living in a dream where odd things that happen make no sense, since there is no real context. Like the way you, in a dream, suddenly find yourself in another place than you were just seconds ago, and you may wonder for a moment but then you move on.
My mother can no longer really function on her own, but she does not realise this. She has no idea how far gone she is, and that makes it even harder. She forgets everything, and forgets that she forgets. Not so long ago she still remembered that she forgot, but even that is gone now.
I don't want to be the one who has to explain to her that her race is over, still I know I cannot escape this task. She has three children, and we are the ones who have to take care of her now, the way she took care of us through our childhood. It's time to give something back.
As a noder kindly reminded me yesterday the longest part of my life is probably behind me, and the realisation that my mother is no longer the strong person she has been all through my life has shaken me more than I like to admit. It makes me feel old in a way I didn't before. But life comes full circle this way. It's how it is. I just hope I can do my bit.
Incidentally, no, my pipelinks do not make sense, a lot of the time.