So today I woke up with my
baby toe on my right foot
throbbing in pain. Last night in a
giddy alcohol induced state I ran it into the door jam in my bathroom. Thinking it was just a very painful
stubbed toe I continued to
drink away the pain. But this morning I was limping and it was tingling and kinda numb all at the same time. Then I thought back to a few months ago when my
best friend claimed she broke her baby toe and got a nice
prescription for
Vicodin. As the day went on and I felt more ridiculous for limping around campus, I decided to go to the
Urgent Care. I wasn't in that much pain I just wanted the Vicodin. Quite a
hot item on
college campuses, let me tell you. I waited in the
waiting room for over an hour, trying not to watch but hearing this young boy
throw up his intestines about 5 feet away from me. At this point all I wanted was my prescription to relieve the pain and go home. I had watched "
The Simpson's" and an hour-long terrible TV show called "
The World's Funniest." Finally get called into the next waiting room; also know as the
doctor's office. After I get my
blood pressure taken and all the other customary tests done that have nothing to do with my toe, a
nurse practitioner comes in. She says, "Yeah it looks bad. Maybe it's broken." No kidding, that's why I am here. She makes me wait for another 20 minutes and then I get
X-rays done. And indeed the baby toe is broken. I knew it was broken and I knew there was nothing that could really be done, I just wanted the Vicodin. So then the
nurse gave me this medical
walking shoe to wear. He told me that I am to wear this shoe for the next 6 weeks. Uh… 6 weeks? I am thinking, how about 6 minutes. This thing is about 5 inches bigger than my foot and I can barely walk with it on. It's worse than the broken toe. Then the nurse practitioner comes back and says "Ok so no running or
dancing or anything strenuous for about 6 weeks. And I am going to give you something for the pain." Hell yes, finally this trip seems worthwhile. "I am going to give you prescription strength
ibuprofen." What
Advil? I want
morphine, I want Vicodin. Oh well. I guess you can't win them all.
On my way home, I start to think about getting a second opinion and maybe another prescription. I decide to quickly swing by the
Student Health Center on campus. They are notorious for prescribing
Codeine for a
paper cut. When the doctor there sees me, he tells me that it is probably broken and there is not much he can do for it, but he tells me to tape it to the toe next to it as a
splint for about 5 weeks, and to just take some
aspirin for the pain. What aspirin? That's even less powerful than the ibuprofen. Damn no prescription medicine. But at least I don't have to wear that damn shoe anymore.
As I limped back to my
car, I realized that I am stuck with a broken toe and no
good painkillers. Oh well, it's just a broken baby toe; it is probably going away along with the
appendix in
evolution anyway.