Here are a few
completely useless emoticons:
:_) User's nose is sliding off his face.
+-:-) User is the pope.
<|-) User is Chinese.
<|-( User is Dman.
%-6 User is braindead.
:-E User is a bucktoothed vampire.
C=}>;*{)) A drunk, fiendish, chef wearing a toupee in an updraft who has a mustache and a double chin.