That's right ladies. The Dark Prince Of The Underworld simply does not shop where I do. My lack of black says "I am not Goth! I love the
Baby Jebus!"
A wardrobe permeated with flannels and hawaiian shirts does not send the message that I'm going to be sacrificing goats later. Look here, at what I'm wearing... your first thought? "
Hang ten!" "Surf's up!"
I may have been off, but honestly, did you think about protecting your virgin daughter from me because of the
ritualistic sex you just
instantly knew I wanted to have with her tonight?
Certainly not.
Flannel exudes utility, warmth, and a rugged quality that simply doesn't fit in with
The Devil. We all know Satan has to hire people with
delicate features, far more delicate than mine.
I can detail, flesh out, and accessorize my entire wardrobe without ever setting foot in a
Hot Topic or an alternative
religion supply outlet. You can't practice
Satanism while wearing
Structure! You can't summon
Ba'al if you smell slightly of
Hugo Boss.
Satan don't surf. Armed with this knowledge I can browse
Banana Republic without fear of eternal damnation.
So remember, if you want to really send a message in clear language that you are NOT in servitude to
Lucifer, head to the mall for such stores as Pacific Sunwear or
American Eagle.
However, it is recommended that you avoid wearing
Tommy Hilfiger, as
wearing clothes DESIGNED by Satan will probably not get your point across.