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No Live Nude Lesbians were harmed in the rescuing of this nodeshell (idea)
See all of No Live Nude Lesbians were harmed in the rescuing of this nodeshell
, no other writeups in this node.
(
idea
)
by
Ælien
Wed Mar 07 2001 at 0:12:24
INT. UNITED NATIONS BUILDING, TOP FLOOR
Lights begin to flicker and all goes dark, as the
nefarious
terrorist organization
Team Jet-Poop
mills about nervously.
Jack:
I don't like this. They're not supposed to turn the lights off until
after
we announce our demands. It's in the rules! See?
Jack frantically waves a copy of the shooting script for '
The Negotiator
'.
Phillip:
I told you they wouldn't follow the script! But did you listen? Noooo. Dammit, I'm missing the
X-files
!
Nodeshell:
Please, let me go! I didn't do anything, honest! I just work here!
Patrick:
Oh, you just work here, eh? Well, let me tell you about group of people who just 'worked there'. They were called
Nazis
!
A vicious
nodeshell
beating ensues...the screams are horrible.
EXT. U.N. BUILDING, POLICE LINE (DO NOT CROSS)
A elite force of the
Live Nude Lesbians
Ninja
Death Squad
is gathered 'round the rotund Police Chief
Pseudo_Intellectual
.
Pseudo_Intellectual
:
...and that's how I got the rash to clear up, see? But enough of this, we need a plan to get in there and rescue that
nodeshell
without anyone getting hurt. And frankly, I'm drawing a blank.
P_I holds up an empty sketchpad and an unsharpened pencil.
Trixxy:
I've got an idea! Gather 'round, ladies!
(whisper, whisper)
Okay, chief, we're going to need a tub full of
caramel
, six cans of
Cool Whip
, and a jar of
cherries
. Muahahaha, those bastards'll never know what hit 'em!
As Trixxy explains to her crew the details of the plan, we can hear the agonized cries of the
Nodeshell
as it is mercelessly bitch-slapped into submission by the disgruntled members of
Team Jet-Poop
.
INT. U.N. BUILDING, TOP FLOOR, OUTSIDE THE ROOM WHERE THE
NODESHELL
IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE
We see two
Live Nude Lesbians
, Candi and Hope, stretching here, wearing nothing but whipped-cream bikinis.
Candi:
I don't know about this, Hope. I haven't done anything like this since Freshman English. Do you think it'll work?
Hope:
I'm not sure, either, Candi. We can only follow orders as perkily as possible, and pray that everything will turn out alright.
EXT. UN BUILDING, SWEEPING CRANE-SHOT
The mirrored windows of the building prevent us from seeing exactly what is taking place, but we can hear the muffled melody of '
Happy Birthday
' being sung in a perfect Soprano duet.
FLASH TO INSIDE THE DARKENED ROOM
Communal Eye:
(muffled)
Aww, you guys, I was sure you'd forgotten! I...wuv...yew...
Patrick:
(whispered to Edward)
Great idea, man. What did this cost ya?
Pause...
Edward:
But...? I thought this was your idea!
BACK OUTSIDE, CRANE SHOT
WHUMP
The mirrored window is suddenly cracked in a cartoon-like
Communal-Eye
shape, and a groan of pain escapes him as he audibly slides to the carpeted floor.
Trixxy, via
loudspeaker
:
That's the cue, ladies! Go, go, go!
Suddenly, from the rooftop, a half-dozen
Live Nude Lesbians
descend on ropes, dripping with caramel for no apparent reason. They shatter the windows of the building with their protest-march hardened feet, and drop in on
Team Jet-Poop
at its most vulnerable.
WHAM!
ORT!
HUZZAH!
Within minutes, the infamous
Team Jet-Poop
is brought down, bound and ball-gagged, from the U.N. Building, to the waiting patrol cars below. A battered and bruised
Nodeshell
follows, wrapped in a silver foil emergency blanket and smeared in Cool Whip.
Olivia:
You think you've heard the last of us?!?
Team Jet-Poop
will
never
be defeated!! We'll fight until the last!
All your base are belong to us
!!!
Do you hear me?!? All of them!!!
Bwahahahahaha!!!
A
Star-Trek
like effect occurs, and
Team Jet-Poop
vanishes without a trace. We can see the
PoopJet
overhead as it rockets away,
Olivia
's
maniacal laughter
echoing across the scene.
Trixxy:
Did anyone else expect that?
(Nods all about)
Trixxy:
Yeah, this is lame. Let's go back to the LezPad and tie these cherry stems into knots with our tongues. C'mon,
Nodeshell
, you can watch.
Pseudo_Intellectual
:
But, but...what about me? Girls?!?
Er, I meant ladies, I meant ladies...
PAN OUT AND FADE, ROLL CARD...
And thus ends our adventure. Good has triumphed over evil once again, as noted in the script.
PIC. NODESHELL
The
Nodeshell
quit his job at the U.N. and now works a lotion-boy for the Live Nude Lesbians.
PIC. CHIEF P_I
Pseudo_Intellectual
swore off all his worldly possesions and became a
Hari Krishna
.
All seemed right with the world. But, back at the
Watchtower
, somewhere on the moon,
Team Jet-Poop
is planning yet another assault on
Everything
. Next time, the nodeshell stolen
could
be
yours!
Needless to say, no
Live Nude Lesbians
were harmed in the rescuing of this nodeshell.
London's calling, and it's calling you gay
E2 clueless (newbie) mistakes to avoid
The False Team Jet-Poop
All your base are belong to us
root log: January 2003
Live Nude Girls Unite!
Dead baby jokes
this girl I was in love with
SOY doesn't make you strong?
Hare Krishna
The boys did not know it. They were just being beautiful, and I got to watch.
Polish jokes