it's not my place, not my business. i know.

and had i said more than what i did, she would have yelled or hung up, because of course i'd come across like a bitter ex-girlfriend, though i swear until today i'd let it go. i've never been much good at holding grudges. i don't forget what i was mad about, only forget to care.

i've told so many people.. 'aside from that one incident, he's a good kid.'

i wanted to have faith in him this time. i wanted to believe i'd made an impression and though i'd told him to go to hell and stay off my doorstep, having someone stand and say never again would stop him from abusing the trust a woman places in her man. i vowed to be the one ex he'd never sleep with, and i've kept that (not that there existed a desire to do otherwise). but it meant nothing.

because there's nothing i can say out loud. i've got no right to interfere. the girl never wants to hear that the boy is off with someone else.

i kept it subtle. she told me he was at work, i told her he wasn't, thanks, hung up. i hope she gives it to him when he gets home. because he told me he loved her, how happy he was. and last night we had a meeting and he skipped and as we walked out of the bar, there he was with a woman who wasn't his. the giddy fear in his eyes said enough. i didn't have to hear her voice in the background when he called this morning, late for work, and i asked if he'd spoken with his girlfriend..

'no.. why?'

fear.

i'm not bitter. i am. not towards him, necessarily. i want to believe in the good of humanity, that people make their mistakes and learn and move forward, wiser. i don't want to believe that a man will cheat and cheat, getting caught, running to the arms of his 'til-then-illicit lover and doing the same to her. it's not a nice way to see people.

and i know what he's done because i've done it, too. though i vowed never again. still, i wish i'd done it to him.

i hope he goes home tonight and finds another man in his lady's bed.