Findings:
- The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!
- when life was kind and we were two young wide-eyed believers
- This was the shinest golden dollar I would ever see in my life and I was not about to tarnish it.
- I tried to arrange my life in paragraphs, unaware that I was a haiku
- born under candlelight just from the edge of a knife, was it a life? or was it a light at all?
- just because it was an accident doesn't mean it'll come back to life
- There was a man who lived a life of fire
- I don't remember what life was like when I was seven. I like the taste of air. What should I do?
- someday, when she will think back upon the time when she was as yet undishonored
- Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark
- I was a witch in a past life
- My father's secret life was never meant to be secret
- Where Once Life Was
- One big happy random assortment of truckstop trinkets
- This Was Your Life
- Yet the sea was hardly bothered, and the stars remained untouched
- I was aghast, yet intrigued
- Calvin Coolidge was the 30th President
- Was (Not Was)
- Imagine if your microwave was intelligent
- Once, everyone was a computer novice
- Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
- I'll tell you what kind of guy I was
- What was left after the party
- I bought an orange, but it was a grapefruit
- Why I didn't get my driver's license until I was 18
- Climbing cherry trees when I was younger
- Why I was convinced I would die young
- Man was created in God's image
- Was I nearly as anti-consumerism as I had initially thought?
- You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
- It was a dark and stormy night
- Kilroy was here
- The train station was fucking freezing and
- if music was a woman you would have a mistress
- I was into them after they were hip
- Last time I was in Chicago I broke my ass
- The last girl I dated was a vegetarian. We couldn't go anywhere and so it just didn't work out.
- In the Beginning was the Command Line
- Why Socrates was really executed
- The male libido - or - How I was castrated by the 90's
- This wasn't how it was supposed to be
- The corporate existence as yet another a way of avoiding life
- the seven hills of Rome
- Fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys
- It was not a dream
- When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
- I was looking for you
- Was not cleanly unmounted, check forced
- How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
- Oxygen was the world's first pollutant
- I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
- when you asked what I was writing, this is what it was
- I woke up and thought it was Saturday
- I was supposed to be somebody by the age of 23
- Born with the gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad
- So I turned round and there was an inflatable man sat at the table
- i wonder if that was meant to console
- The highlight of my night was two girls kissing
- Jerry Was a Race Car Driver
- if music were a woman
- The real reason pi was never calculated to a high precision in ancient times
- Is And Is Not As It Was
- The goal of all life is to be fat, dumb and happy
- There was this one great night at Alice's house,
- Which of the Bewitched Dicks was gay?
- was
- wa
- This was unexpected, my soul's connection to you
- The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
- "Oskee wee wee! Oskee wa wa!"
- May you spend a happy life untroubled.
- It was not a weather balloon at Roswell
- I was once a victim of Catholic schooling
- I was discovered by scientists, what will they call me?
- There was once a Man
- Nobody cares if it was originally a nodeshell
- God was created in man's image
- Just how perfect was Jesus?
- Back when grunge was still cool
- "He was a terrible man," she sobbed, between bites of alimony
- I was once stranded on a desert island
- I was going to marry Marty
- It wasn't like I was sleeping anyway
- As I Was Going to St Ives
- They wrote it all in perl but it was mostly system calls
- I was promised flying cars
- Removed from humanity, I realized I was just another distraction
- So I was cold chillin on the corner on a hot summer's day
- I was taken by a honeymoon scam
- There was a time when I was a better person
- That Was Then, This is Now
- What was the question?
- I was a homeless bum
- When I Was One-and-Twenty
- Lando was supposed to die
- I was never any good at maths at school
- The first iron-on transfer I made myself was controversial
- WoOz: 17 How the Balloon Was Launched
- being a kid was great
- Leather-bound organizer
- A Happy Life
- I woke up and was an instant scribbling fiend. crazy, my poor feverish brain
- If I were watched alone, I'd be considered insane
- Jesus was Mexican
- I once was a clueless young noder
- I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
- I'm glad the evil overlord was on my team
- Finding the origin of a Hotmail message
- I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
- That Was The Week That Was
- Before I was consciously thinking of him, my body was
- Conrad's dirigible was tipping
- I was once smaller than a jellybean, but now look at me - I am macroscopic!
- The Story of the Envious Man and of Him Who Was Envied
- I have gone too far. I have been thinking, this is my life. Well, not yet.
- What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?
- Why was Cthulhu blue?
- The Walrus was Paul
- Descartes was wrong
- No shit, there I was
- Vancouver, Washington
- Here lies one whose name was writ in water
- What I wrote when I was missing David
- Able was I, ere I saw Elba
- my only pin-up was Pelé
- I was expecting it to hurt like a fuck
- A poem I wrote when I was 5
- The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber
- Music was better in the old days
- 'T was
- How Candide Was Obliged to Leave the Fair Cunegund and the Old Woman
- That was a joke, son.
- Trompe
- It was you, Atthis
- I was a young boy that had big plans
- I was once stranded on a dessert island
- If Dr. Seuss Were a Tech Writer
- The day I realized what being alive was
- When I was your age
- It was all God's fault
- Theories as to what was inside the briefcase in Pulp Fiction
- Was Jesus resurrected as the Easter Bunny?
- Marilyn Monroe was a size 16
- It was hormones, it was hormones, but it was valid
- If the King's English was good enough for Jesus
- That time I was almost killed by scary cult children
- I was searching glass
- This product was tested on cute, furry animals with big, sad eyes
- Cybersex before it was cool
- No important data was harmed by the ILOVEYOU worm
- I Hear it was Charged Against Me
- hodgepodge was just a one-night stand, apparently
- The world was designed for giant squid
- And the sky was made of amethysts
- My one regret as of yet is that my life has been utterly tolerable
- The Princess who was Hidden Underground
- The Short Happy Life of an Alpha Puppy
- There was a rose that faded young
- How was your trip to London, Dan?
- Concrete, Washington
- The Story of the Vizier Who Was Punished
- I died for Beauty -- but was scarce
- Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few
- Upon my indulgence, I was dissatisfied
- There was a young lady of Riga
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