Mates rates are the cheap prices you get when your friend works at some sort of convenience store, fast food chain or the like. Usually your friend, when serving or charging you, usually undercuts anywhere between 20 to 80% of the price. Sweet. You are ineligible for this if the man the boss is around.

Not only do you get some cheap food but you also know that you're food is of reasonably high quality. Yum. They might even add a bit extra. This probably doesn't count for much at shithole excuses for food chains like McDonald's but from personal experience I can tell you that having a friend who works at Subway has to be a blessing from God... Enter nostalgia mode.

Me and my friends rock up to Subway on a Saturday night, and lo and behold our good friend Stu is working there! My friends, being the unenterprising ones, order a standard footlong Melt (equivalent of a Big Mac). Me, in my most seductive manner sidle up to Stu and ask him for a custom sub.

I won't tell you what happened but basically I ended up with a sub with quadruple ham, double turkey, double beef, double bacon, chicken, triple cheese. It was good. All this for about $A4 with a drink and 5 cookies thrown in. Probably worth about $12.

It was sweet. It was twice as heavy as my friends'. It was so big the bread roll was splitting. I was full after 3 inches. It affirmed in my eyes that mates rates are just one of those small incessant things that make life that little bit more bearable.

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