At the doctor's office,
he said it was obvious signs of "social anxiety."
the thinking. the talking. the looking. thinking. looking again. overthinking. thinking about overthinking.
when I was little I wondered (I remember a specific time, wondering this)
how much of intelligence tied back into memory,
that hypothetically if someone could remember everything
then it'd be a rigged race.
Scientist run studies on this.
We now know there's an emotional quotient. (Scientist still can't tell you exactly what.)
Today I lost my phone so I had to call myself
and I didn't make it to the phone in time before it went to voicemail.
"Hey this is. Please leave me a message."
My own voice mildly bothered me. This unpleasant effect of listening to your own recorded voice has been studied as well.
We don't like listening because we're not used to hearing our voice from another perspective,
specifically without the resonance created from the cave of our own head,
(which then ties in to what is labeled the "mere-exposure effect.")
But what bothered me the most was my oafish direction, "please leave me a message."
please leave me a message. please leave me a message. please leave me a messages.
please leave me a message. please leave me a message.
please leave me a message.
as if there were any other alternative.