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Time: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 00:03:49 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) mod_perl/1.21
Number of nodes: 588784 (1730 new since June 28, 2000)
Number of users: 16285 (45 new since June 28, 2000)
Number of links: 2161270 (16729 new since June 28, 2000)

Node to user ratio: 36.155 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 3.671 links per node
Link to user ratio: 132.715 links per user

New Nodes: Users Online (32): [Segnbora-t] [sensei] [JeffMagnus] [Tem42] [ToasterLeavings] [emil greer] [Electricsound] [kamamer] [blaaf] [ivan37] [eric+] [Tabs] [transform] [whizkid] [freeborn] [Leynos] [dpride] [Eos] [ccunning] [Kung] [Gorgonzola] [Kailen] [dr] [GargoyleMT] [Citizen Aim] [Haggis] [Iconoplast] [amoebius] [mailspd] [FrOblivion] [Kleptileptic] [WildFyre]

JeffMagnus node count: 3814 (2 new since June 28, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 6858 (8 more since June 28, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 1.798 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.648%
JeffMagnus node of the day: Everything 2 Civil War

We sat there, the two of us, taking occasional sips from unimportant drinks we'd purchased as little more than an excuse to sit across from eachother in the little booth of sorts. He'd look at me and I'd look back, we were both infinitely sad, not an odd emotion for the two of us to share.. it's something that goes along with a long distance relationship, I think. It was The Second Cup in a downtown Toronto bus terminal, we were simply waiting for the inevitable departure, trying to ignore it but failing miserably. We'd been granted a few extra hours together due to a scheduling mix-up. "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan, that's what was playing as I tried so hard to hold back tears that would not be held by anything or anyone, though I fought them for him alone because at that point my little heart was aching too badly to care about such things. I guess this song just seems really appropriate now, six months after the end of something that lasted three years.. three intensely trying years, though I wouldn't do it differently if I could. He was the first I truly loved, and the first to break my heart to the point that I was quite sure there was nothing but hurt and pain in the world. Everything seems so pointless when something falls apart like that, just completely slips away and becomes this nothingness that I still can't figure out..

"Remember the good times that we had, we let them slip away from us when things got bad.."

I thought of that moment again the other day, it crosses my mind many times over, it's one of those things I can't let go of, and I don't think I really should, even if I were able. I'd prefer not to get any more weepy and sentimental at this point, so I'll move on..

My best friend and I went out to the campsite behind the house with my little brother and his friend whom I find infinitely humorous. This was, of course, after we walked and discussed the crazy things life seems to throw at us.. my strange family, we talked about that too. She gave me a big hug at the top of the hill and when she did I looked over to see the sun, this intense flaming orange'y colour, more brilliant than I've seen it in a long time. We walked a bit further and watched the sunset, sat on the path and looked between the blades of grass to see the glistening of spider webs draped between them. We stared into the sun, and it was a while before I commented that it was probably not a great idea, being that it isn't really good for you.. it was just so drawing. The way the light hit the deep green leaves of the trees was amazing too.. though I had lightspots in my eyes at that point and had trouble really taking it in as I might have.

The campsite provoked interesting conversation about Andrew (my little brother's friend) and his brother, who happens to be a bit of a deviant. He has numerous problems, and is a bit too into the drug scene. Ah well.. the best part was when we saw them trying to light the fire in the beginning, with a large amount of gasoline. I felt obligated to watch in case one of them lost their eyebrows/limbs.

I'm sort of exceedingly lonely tonight, but it's my own fault for strolling down memory lane.. why I do this I'll never know, I guess it keeps me humble in a way. Ah well..

"I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories.."
12:27 EET

Good morning!
7 hours of sleep have never felt this good. Looks like the sudden outburst of insomnia is under control at the moment. Which is great, since I won't be sleeping much the following weekend. 2.5-day parties can be quite taxing..

I shocked a couple of my friends yesterday by revealing that the sicko organization Nambla really does exist. So many South Park fans here in Finland seemed to think it was invented by Parker & Stone.
I wish it was though. It's a sick sad world we're living in. People get incarcerated from smoking pot while people who hurt children can roam free and advertise their perversions to other potential pedophiles. That must be the price we have to pay for free speech.

This comes a bit late, but nevertheless: Happy Birthday Wildfyre!

Track of the day:  Untidy Trax Colours EP - Green
The most STUPID use of a Public Enemy sample I've ever heard. When sampling rap or other vocals, you should use them so that the lyrics make at least SOME sense!
It's still a great track though. :)

<< week | June 28, 2000 | June 29, 2000 | June 30, 2000 | week >>

Everything's Best Users Snapshot

   #   Users                   XP   wa7   inc Level   l_XP l_wa7
   1   Pseudo_Intellectual  16656   157   237    11  16419   144
   2   DMan                 14557   184   203     9  14354   181
   3   dem bones            13109   105   125    11  12984   102
   4 * Segnbora-t           10609    87   121    10  10488    81
   5 - Saige                10592    94    67    10  10525    98
   6   pukesick              9296    18    22    10   9274    17
   7   jessicapierce         8032    -6    35    10   7997   -13
   8   Deborah909            7876    44    13    10   7863    49
   9 * sensei                7733   117   105     7   7628   119
  10 * dannye                7728   120   129     9   7599   118
  11 - N-Wing                7718    45     5     9   7713    52
  12 * Jet-Poop              7353    98   171     9   7182    86
  13 - tregoweth             7308    71   108     9   7200    65
  14 * ideath                6908    73    98     7   6810    69
  15   yossarian             6882    40    52     9   6830    38
  16 - JeffMagnus            6866    29    13     9   6853    32
  17   Lometa                6809    47    26     9   6783    51
  18 * knifegirl             6734    40   118     9   6616    27
  19 - pingouin              6709    24    40     9   6669    21
  20 * /dev/joe              6539    84   147     8   6392    73
  21   Tem42                 6482    52    90     8   6392    46
  22 - ModernAngel           6475    16     1     9   6474    19
  23   General Wesc          6254    33     6     9   6248    38
  24 * moJoe                 5905    32    83     9   5822    24
  25 - hoopy_frood           5884    19    27     8   5857    18
  26   novalis               5620    13     2     9   5618    15
  27   bozon                 5602    12     6     9   5596    13
  28   juliet                5002    55    11     9   4991    62
  29   RockLobster           4976    46     1     9   4975    54
  30 * Sylvar                4867    76   177     7   4690    59
  31   alex.tan              4851    31    54     7   4797    27
  32 - nine9                 4840    16     5     9   4835    18
  33 - yam                   4804    16    12     7   4792    17
  34 * Templeton             4709    67    79     5   4630    65
  35 - Uberfetus             4701    55    40     6   4661    57
  36   bitter_engineer       4396    54    53     7   4343    54
  37   Sarcasmo              4348     7    34     8   4314     3
  38   sabre23t              4313    53    50     6   4263    53
  39 * hamster bong          4251    85    81     5   4170    86
  40 - ariels                4242    12    14     8   4228    12
  41   kessenich             4177    31    20     9   4157    33
  42   knarph                3944    25     7     8   3937    28
  43   wharfinger            3796    49     5     5   3791    56
  44   CaptainSpam           3794    17    12     8   3782    18
  45   ailie                 3689    21    13     7   3676    22
  46   Lord Brawl            3678    33    14     8   3664    36
  47   Woundweavr            3598     8    -1     8   3599    10
  48   Orange Julius         3596    34    17     7   3579    37
  49   Quizro                3583    11    27     8   3556     8
  50   65535                 3491    35    35     5   3456    35
  51   hatless               3483    23    31     8   3452    22
   *   EBU #51               3483    28    31     *   3452    27

Server time: 14:31 Thu Jun 29 2000 UTC, corrected since June 29, 2000

* = users rising up in the EBU; - = users falling down in the EBU
l_ = last (previous) value; inc = increase in stats value
wa7 = ((stats + (6 * l_wa7))/7) = weighted average with denominator 7

sabre23t: Random Nodes

Update July 3, 2000. I just noticed that E2 Server Time is now back to UTC, since June 29, 2000. I've cooled JeffMagnus' writeup for June 29, 2000, since that writeup shows to me that Server Time has been corrected.

sabre23t: Nodes to node

WARNING: Do not read any further if you do not want to be sad.

I'm a bit down in the dumps today. There is a very bad anniversary next week and I can't seem to get it out of my head. On July 7,1999 I went to my 12-week maternity checkup. For those of you who don't know anything about pregnancy, the first 3 months (12 weeks) of a pregnancy are the toughest. If a miscarriage is going to happen, it will most likely happen during this period. Anyway, I went to the appointment all happy because I was going to get to hear thebaby's heartbeat. I had seen it at 10 weeks because I had to have a sonogram to determine the due date, so I was figuring everything would be just fine. My doctor thought she heard a heartbeat but couldn't catch it clearly. She said it wasn't a big deal, but she wanted me to have another sonogram that day just to be sure. I'm still thinking everything is just fine. So after about an hour of waiting for a free sonogram room, a different doctor calls me in. They start the procedure and both the nurse and doctor aren't saying any thing. They both just keep staring at the monitor and running the damn scope over my stomach - pressing harder and harder. At this point I know something is wrong though no one has said so. Finally, the doctor stands up and says "I don't think we have a viable pregnancy here." and walks out. That's it. Not an "I'm sorry" or "Are you alright" or "Can I call someone for you." WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE. The nurse at least explained some things to me and gave me some time alone before they needed the room back. I had to have a DNC the next day, no time to think about anything. (Again for those who don't know, a DNC is basically an operation during which they suck everything out of you.)

The really strange thing is that I know it would have been a girl. There is no way to prove it, but I know. I even had a name picked out, Danielle. And I really miss her even though I never saw her or held her.

I'm sure my husband feels the loss, but she wasn't part of him. I don't think it was real to him yet. I don't think he understands why I get upset when I see babies, or other misc. things that remind me.

I'm sorry if I have saddened anyone reading this. I am really glad that I have found Everything because I feel I can truly be myself here. Not the perfect little wife, employee, daughter, student....just me. Thanks for letting me vent.

My morning has been a morning of half-asleep fumbling, ducking and peeks out my window hoping that car is gone. Brother and mother are back from the family reunion in Northern California - my little brother's amusing as he dismisses that side of the family as hicks with a wave of his hand, and a hope of being adopted. He reminds me of my responsibilities. Bastard. Maybe he was...

My middle brother discovered Everything, and so demanded the address. Fine, except I gave him E1, where he made such fine additions to the database of all humanly knowledge as What if horses ate seals? Dem bones offered a contract, until I revealed that was the entire writeup, and the node title was Mmm... beer. He then called for his lawyers, and cybernetic crack-smoking ninja monkeys too, I believe.

I got The Talk today. Fun.

My cat probably killed a baby bird today. Nature red in tooth and claw. For my job, called two people today who begged me off - were they being polite and lying, or just being honest? I can't tell.

Not only did LearFox finally finish her WONDERFUL birthday present for me (you can see it at http://trikuare.cx/~magenta/gallery/visual/splotchypine/), but I found out that poetry.com... well, just read my poetry.com writeup. :)


Getting in late on the day log writeup, but that's OK because I didn't do much today.

Still, I am certainly grooving. The guy that's taking my old job don't know shit. He's gonna get swamped. What's funny about that is that we went to high school together. He was BMOC, and I was a geek.

To paraphrase Eddie Murphy from his standup days, "Sometimes I like to cruise through my old neighborhood in my limo with my wrist out the window, saying 'Look at this watch, motherfucka'

Today I went to see Anna who is about to burst. Last year she had a miscarriage. It would have been a boy; she knew. This one will be a girl and she is so happy and so afraid. Drew is visibly excited, all the time, and keeps his hand on her belly.

This should have made me happy but it did not. I came home to be sad some more. I am peeling the skins off the red grapes. It is an accessible extravagance. I press the pulp against my front teeth and crush it with my tongue.

Today was a good start to the closest I've ever come to a perfect weekend. I made the trip from Albany, NY to Rochester in an short three and three quarter hours. That's actually the standard amount of time it takes so when I say short I mean painless with no feeling of extreme desperation to get out of the car.

I arrived in Rochester just in time to help my friend pick out the most non-offensive hoochie-momma outfit we could find. I have this unbelievable knack for being able to spot the perfect outfit for everyone but myself and as a result my friends often drag me out shopping.

Now I know what you are thinking, why were you looking for a hoochie momma outfit and what's the point of getting a hoochie momma outfit if it's non-offensive? Well, if you really wanna know, you're just gonna have to keep reading!!

Anyway, after shopping we met up with some more friends and went out to dinner. We went to The Outback Steakhouse and when the bill came I noticed that somehow the waiter had neglected to charge me for my meal. That should have been my first clue that this was going to be a good weekend...

After dinner we went back to my friend Carin's place and watched some TV, trying not to think about tommorrow because the anticipation was so immense we wouldn't be able to sleep if we let ourselves think about it. Tommorrow we were headed for Cleveland, Ohio.
Wrote this on a laptop a while ago - posting it now.
I'm writing this while sitting outside in my little backyard area. I have a folding chair with a built in footrest and an old Omnibook on my lap. It was sunny today - about 78 degrees or more. Its really hot inside, but back here there is a nice cool breeze. I also have the comforting sound of the wind in the trees.

Unfortunately, I can also hear the sounds of the highway, which is not far from here. I can also hear the sounds of a family fighting in one of the houses nearby. I wish that I lived out in the country near a forest, where I could sit and just listen to trees and wind, and not hear the annoying dog that barks constantly. I would not miss the highway noise, or the children screaming and yelling down the road.

Of course, now that we are getting close to the 4th of July, there are fireworks. I live in Washington state, where most fireworks are legal. There will be lots of booms and crackles on Tuesday, which wouldn't bother me if I didn't have to work on Wednesday. I am glad to have both the holiday and the day before off though. I don't want to sound like such an old lady, but I guess as I have become older I appreciate the sounds of quiet and peace more than I appreciate the hustle and bustle of living in a city.

I am enjoying this moment of peace after the day from hell that I had today. Sitting back in my chair and looking up at the blue sky puts things into some sort of perspective that I can't explain. The rustle of the leaves comforts of me. And now that I've gained this minor moment of clarity and can set aside the hell of my day, a siren from the major street 4 blocks away breaks the calm, and that's all I can hear instead of the leaves.

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