There isn't a time when I go uptown, whether to walk in the park or sit at Rue, that I don't think of you. There isn't one time I see a green Camaro and don't think that it might be yours. I find myself looking for that stupid commemorative Texas plate
you loved so much. I see Perriere Street and I remember you. I haven't forgotten you.
I'm sorry that again I have ignored you, cut you off from contact from me. I can't say it will ever re-open for you. I want to say I can be your friend, but I can't. I am going through so many personal changes right now (even more than my usual, which you are aware of). I wish I could talk to you about them, that talking to you would help, but I fear it will only make things harder.
I need friends in this city, Mike. We both do. We both always have. I don't think I was ever the friend who could be what you needed, in the state I was in when you met me and the state that I am in now, a state of re-construction.
It's a bitter-sweet pill, indeed, for me to talk to you like this. To open a wound by saying that I haven't forgotten you and then pouring salt into it by saying that I still cannot open my door to you. But then again, I've never been fair to you, and it's to my detriment that I'm even writing this now, but I can't help but say how I feel. I'm finding that, even if I can't make sense of myself by doing it, saying how I feel is a step in the right direction.
There is always a chance that I might be able to talk to you again, if you allow me to, and I don't expect you to, unfair as I've been. Every time I get in your neighborhood, I fight the urge to knock on your door, knowing that you would more than likely let me in and hear me out, being a better friend to me than I have ever been to you, better than I deserve. All I can say now is that if you've read this, you've likely read all the nodes that preceded it, so you can decipher a little about my current state. That is all I can offer you now, a window into my mind. At least that's something.
I just wanted to say that. That I have not forgotten you. It's all I can say right now.