It seems nowadays that people think being a gay guy means having a head full of witty heart-felt advice, window treatments, and makeup tips. This is thanks to such "wonderful" shows such as Will and Grace and movies like My Best Friend's Wedding.

In all of these pop-culture gems, gay men are always funny, celibate types (ever seen an episode where Will actually gets laid?), who offer their female best friends tongue-in-cheek advice about everything from their current flame to their fashion ensembles.

I can't tell you how annoying this is to me. You see, I keep my sexual orientation a secret at work, no, not because I fear discrimination, rather, because I fear the droves of lonely heterosexual females who will want to go on fashion romps, who will want to drone on and on about the banal intricacies of their mediocre little relationships with their grocery-bagging boyfriends! The mere thought of being subjected to an hour long discussion on "Why he's so distant" or "why he cares more about his car than me" makes me want to run out and have sex with 300,000 women!

Remember girls, gay does not equal therapist!

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