Spurts of wisdom from the TV Comedy Ally McBeal, delivered by Richard Fish (Greg Germann). Generally amusing, cynical, self-serving witticisms that you hate to agree with, but do anyway.

  • Make enough money and everything else will follow.
  • After women marry and have kids, they don't want any part of a man's penis. The bigger it is the more of him she dosn't want.
  • Helping others is never more beneficial than when it's in your own self-interest.
  • It's not about winning, it's about winning ugly that matters.
  • I don't mind losing, it's high profile losing that is not good.
  • Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there'll be a third and a fourth...you'll be thinking forever.
  • You know, I had a great aunt once who said if you stare at a beautiful woman too long you turn to stone. She was partially right.
  • Problem is just a bleak word for challenge.
  • Love is an equation, a me and a you derives a we.
  • True love means short refractory time.
  • You've got to remember, you're not who you are. You're only what other people think of you.
  • I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law. The law sucks. It's boring. But it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody, cost him everything he's worked for, make his wife leave him, even cause his kids to cry? We can do that.
  • One of the keys to life is the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through. As time passes, you look back and say "oh, that little adultery thing, oh that." Fast forward to then, right now, and you are over it.
  • On sex and sexual harrassment, women don't see straight. Women as a rule hate other pretty women. Women as a rule also sympathize with other women victims because they are women. Women want other women to be destroyed, but as women they don't want to be the destroyer themselves.
  • Everyone is alone. It's just easier to take in a relationship.
  • I plan to have character one day, great character, but if you want to be rich you better get the money before the scruples set in.
  • Men love any woman they want to sleep with. It's the ticket to admission.
  • The difference between men and women is friction. Friction, friction, friction, orgasm!
  • If you want a guy, you have to go out and grab him. Its why god gave man the handle, for women to latch on to it.
  • In every person's life there comes a time when you have to go forth and be vicious.
  • Georgia, give me your shoe. Why would a grown person wear these? They are hugely uncomfortable, make it easier to fall, cause back problems, but, hey, call it fashion. What kind of person would spend an equivalent of two years painting her face and plucking out her eyebrows, and putting silicone or saline in her chest? There is a name for this kind of person, 'woman'. Why? Because, we 'men' like it. Don't talk to me about equality. Don't tell me you aren't disabled.
  • If you don't kiss a girl on the first date, you are a gentlemen. If you don't kiss her by the second, you are gay.
  • Personally, I hate sexual harassment laws. The original force behind them were disgruntled lesbians who felt they were not given the same opportunities. Along with ugly women, who are jealous of pretty women who got all the breaks in the work force.
  • Lend me your shoe Georgia. If I wanted to sell this, better to have you model this or me? Everything is about presentation, same for resturants as for shoes. What's inside doesn't count, its how they look.
  • John: Are we a joke to the outside world?
    Richard: The outside world just doesn't get the joke.

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