Now, just so everyone knows, I did NOT steal the idea from Chihuahua Grub's "giant intercity catapaults"; this was a completely independent development.

Anyway, onward:

Buses suck. You have to wait for them to show up, then you have to wait for them to take the slow, circuitous route to wherever it is you are going, and you would walk, but it's just the TEENSIEST bit quicker to take the bus, and plus, you're a lazy bastard.

Well, as they say, "laziness is the mother of all invention", so one day it dawned on me: the perfect method of short-range transportation, is the catapult.

Yes, my friends, the CATAPULT.

The process is this:

  1. Strap on some inflatable protective gear. (One of those sumo suits would probably be about right, if not quite durable enough. Do not inflate it, at this point, as this will cause excessive air resistance.
  2. Enter your destination into a targeting computer (and pray to God that it takes into account the wind, as well as your fat hiney...)
  3. Climb into the catapult.
  4. LAUNCH!
  5. Practice falling with style, as you hurtle through the air, but remember to inflate your protective gear before you run into some blunt object, like a building, or the earth...
  6. bouncy, bouncy, bouncy..... CONGRATULATIONS, YOU MADE IT! (within a couple hundred meters, anyhow..)

There, that wasn't so bad, was it? And a heckuva lot more exciting than riding the bus, I tell you what...

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