Today, my boss at work told me to file out a employee performance evaluation form to be due this Friday. Usually this form is to be written by somebody else observing my work, but I get to describe how am I doing.

What can I do with this form? It's too easy for me to check the boxes that indicate me as the perfect and best employee there is. It's too easy and I'm not going to that.

I can write up that I'm the worst person to work in the dump, but why should I do that for? The point is that I should give myself some good reasons to keep my job.

Finally, I'm going to show what I have checked off to describe myself performance-wise at work right now:

Productivity
Quality of Work -- Considered were the accuracy, efficiency, completeness of your work and dependability of results. Volume of work was not considered.

  1. Work generally acceptable
  2. Occasional Errors

Relationship with others
Effectiveness in working with supervisors, subordinates, fellow employees and public. Traits considered were tact, courtesy, self-control and discretion.

  1. Needs improvement in attitude and manner
  2. Tries to be cooperative

(Sometimes I talk to the computer lab users like they are the maggot privates they are. I really want to be like the drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket.)

Work Habits
Considered was your attitude toward your work, safe and effective use of personnel, materials and equipment, compliance with rules, regulations and supervision. Other personal habits as they may affect your work and use of times.

  1. Needs to show more interest in work
  2. Generally acceptable work

(I'm starting to be a noder at work, writing stuff when I'm not watching people using computers that will crash. Otherwise, I slack off and be bored.)

Job knowledge
Considered was basic knowledge of job, familiarity with other departmental functions related to job; understanding and observance of specific job duties, ability to learn new assigned tasks and acquire necessary skills

  1. Has adequate knowledge of duties

(I'm trying to unlearn Windoze, and people keep asking me these Windoze-related questions. At least they have never asked about the any key. I'm trying to be an aspiring BOFH, for Pete's sake!)

Attendance & punctuality
Considered were frequency and number of absences and latenesses. Also observance of lunch hour and break periods.

  1. Generally acceptable
  2. Improvement needed in morning shifts

(Did I tell you that I always have breakfast before work? Sometimes I take at least ten minutes and piss off the boss.)

Promotability
Considered to be an expression of your supervisor's opinion with respect to your ability to progress.

(I'm stumped in this one -- I don't know if I deserved to be promoted because I know that I suck.) Does anybody have any good ideas to screw around with this form?

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