Natalie was straight straight straight but I didn't let myself know it for a long time. She liked talking to me and it always turned sexy when she did. Hushed tones and things happening with her eyes that said I may be straight but I Also. Like. You.   She didn't mean it, didn't want any reality of me to happen to her. Flirting with girls is fun, and the fun of it was all she wanted. She was selfish that way. But I was selfish by not stopping it.

Erika was busy with things that were not me. She thought I was Sweet. She was too busy to process me I guess, to even try to understand much of anything I tried and tried to show her. Still, I liked her fireman stories and I liked her hair. She gave me full access to both, we lay on her couch for hours, all of her for me, though she never asked me any questions. Right then that was all I needed, it filled me up, for a while. I knew what I was doing, and I knew what she was doing, and one of us probably should have stopped it, but she was there, and she was warm.

Sometimes I think I should never have started with Alice but that line of thought only runs for about two minutes before I remember something wonderful again. How she was always able to calm people down, even strangers, or the things that made her hesitate, or her wonderful changing eyes. After breaking up everyone remembers a person's eyes, and I am no different.

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