Kit types this in, with the TV on in the living room blaring some of the evening news. But the most important sounds are the erratic typing on his keyboard. A few skips, and a few long typing bursts in a few seconds...

Well, let's just say that I have a crush towards someone. What does this mean? Well, I'm having feelings towards that someone. Well, it's not sexual completely or anything of the sorts, but I want to hang out. It's like I want to share this moment of life with some girl, from the sounds of silence, the light of day, and to some kind of infinity.

A second of labored breathing...

I'm okay, I'm okay. (Kit pulls out a needleless injector, and gives himself a shot of some kind of painkiller to his neck. The injector makes a quick hiss, and Kit closes his eyes and shakes himself out of it). I feel somewhat better.

I'm too lonely for my own good. I sometimes just want to hang out with a girl who is not so... "tainted." It doesn't hurt if somebody out there is also knows something about being a computer nerd of the sorts. The girls in Brooklyn College are just too normal for me.

Kit feels a thin layer of a headache over him. It's more of a dull pain, but it's going to leave his mind fux0red if he stays like this.

This yearning, this sehnsucht, can make a mere mortal go crazy permanently, but I'm trying to pull through. Just think of the concept of celibacy, and you'll be fine. Sometimes this just makes you want to die, but I don't think that is the original intent for falling for someone. I just want to know how's it like to be human, but nope.

Kit still can't shed a tear.

It's like best and worst of everything. You want to skip around in the sunshine and stomp out the puddles it was sent to dry; you want to curl up in the dark and listen to Jude or Lois or Leonard Cohen or Magnetic Fields...

"If you don't cry
It isn't love
If you don't cry
Then you just don't feel it deep enough."
-MF

You want to heal and you want to hurt, on different days, in the same places you've been healed and hurt by your particular muse.

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