Hello Dumbo Ears
First thing's first; the biggest reason I would not tell you where to find this place is because I edited that first story about you. The unedited version is slightly more pathetic, and I think it would have made things awkward between us. I figure by the time you read this, both of us will have forgotten enough about who we were when I wrote that that it'll just be another joke between us, or it could be the end of our friendship as we know it, which might happen anyway now that you're leaving for clinicals. I mean I could just edit it here, too, but that would be pretty lame, I mean I like it the way it is and that's how I want everyone else to read it.
Unfortunately, other than that, I don't have many interesting secrets on here. Half the material is probably going to be boring to you, because it's related to weightlifting and I am a gigantic nerd when it comes to weightlifting. I'm not sure if you will have already read the interesting stuff, because I'm still debating whether or not to let you read them when I write them in order to keep things smooth between you and your boyfriend. I'm just looking out for you, sweetheart. Sounds like he got you a diamond ring, and you said you're not getting engaged because you're so irrationally afraid of commitment, but things sound pretty serious.
About that; I have mixed feelings about his reaction to reading my stuff. On the good side, it wasn't until after he read about how I first met you that he told you he loved you, which is good for you, he worships the ground you walk on. On the bad side, at the time of this writing I am more or less a little crazy about you so when you tell me these great things that are happening between you and him I get urges to, like, I dunno, go compete and open with weights I haven't touched before. Not that I would want you to stop sharing these things with me, it's not unusual for me to exhibit masochistic tendencies.
I feel comfortable writing this to you because 1.) you won't be reading this for a pretty long time, something like six months, and 2.) the reasonable side of me is aware of the fact that it's very probable for my feelings to change or go away over a long course of time. And maybe by now I've stopped being the emo fuck I am at heart and finally settled down into a truly comfortable friendship with you, or I'm still hopelessly crazy about you but have resigned myself to being miserable anyway, or we're no longer on speaking terms so it doesn't really make a fuck.
Some things I want you to remember about today, Wednesday, November 14, 2007:
- This was the day that I wrote to you in our notes that we pass to each other constantly, "Sometimes I get a little sad thinking of you leaving for clinicals." You thought it was cute. It would have been nice if you had said you'd miss me, too, you fucking douche. This is probably the first nice thing I have ever said to or about you outside of a story I've written about you.
- You are supposed to study with Cody tonight for positioning since he'll be your patient for this exam, but I demanded that you study with me instead. I think Cody's a fucking douche (for real, not like how I say you're a fucking douche). Plus I'm your exclusive study buddy. I realize this probably looks really immature on my part considering I study with a lot of other people, but I think I've told you before I get jealous easily. Thankfully, in a bff, this is an endearing quality, not a really bad, controlling one like if I did something like that to a girlfriend.
- I pissed you off the other day and you tried to stay mad at me but by the time you woke up this morning you couldn't muster your anger against me. And you said that you wanted to stay mad at me to prove a point, that I liked having you for a friend and that I'd miss you, but I think it proved it the other way around; YOU like having ME around, and you'd be MISERABLE without me.
I suddenly feel a little embarrassed.