University of Cincinnati:
A Bureaucratic Farce in Verse

BUREAUCRAT:
Students, here to learn!
What better lesson, than that
They're irrelevant!

Sure, they pay our bills;
More and more with each new season,
Still, we'll make them wait.

To STUDENT:

Yes, we did fuck up
Your financial aid papers
Apologise? Hah!

STUDENT:
Endlessly, I wait
Hoping for "One-Stop Service"
'Tis not to be had

Wonder what I did
In a previous life to
Earn this runaround.

Cramped up from standing
My feet, how they beg me,
To meet with her arse.

Yet, I smile and nod,
Even tell her "Thank You" twice,
For wasting my time.

To BUREAUCRAT:

Thank you for your time —
How silly of me to think
You might help me out.

Sorry for the trouble
Bothering you here at work
'S if it were your job!

STUDENT IN QUEUE 1:Half an hour now
STUDENT IN QUEUE 2:If that is all, feel lucky!
SIQ 1: I've been here three times.

SIQ 3: Three? How can that be?
SIQ 2: Three stops — but for what purpose?
SIQ 1:Sadly, such is life

Went to the One Stop
For something really simple
Just some signatures.

"Signature?" they laughed;
"We can't do a thing for you,
Till you get it stamped.

Went to get the stamp;
Pleaded, begged, all but threatened
"Stamp it? It's not signed!"

I phoned the One Stop
In hopes of some assistance
"Busy," said the line.

And so, I returned;
Waited, as the sun went down;
"Go home now, we're closed."

"Third time is the charm."
Is that not what they all say?
What a load of crap.

And so, here I stand;
My fourth time at the One Stop
Bitter? Just a tad.

FRESHMAN
What cynicism!
Surely you exaggerate!
It can't be that bad.

Buildings, nice and new!
And the "One Stop Centre" here —
It's so convenient!

SENIOR
I was once like you:
Young, naïve, and clueless, too —
Been in line since then.

BUREAUCRAT 2:
FreeCell, Solitaire,
Or Minesweeper? That's a tough call.
Sure beats doing work!

Pain in my stomach —
Guilt for keeping them waiting?
No, just egg salad.

Oh, these tiresome fools!
Why're they here? What do they seek?
I've nothing to offer.

Yawning, I grunt "Next!"
Then some schmuck asks me for help:
Am I s'posed to care?

They're just pathetic
They put up with all my shit.
Who can respect that?

Don't they understand?
As long as they keep quiet,
They will not be served.

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