This is going to sound un-PC, so ladies, feel free to node your side of the story...

Ugly Girlfriend and Wingman are distinct characters you will invariably see every night at any bar, club, or pub you might go to. When a man (we'll call him Beau) approaches a female (let's call her Belle) in these surroundings, she is almost invariably going to be accompanied by... her Ugly Girlfriend. Keep in mind that the Ugly Girlfriend may not necessarily be physically unattractive. It's just that Beau has decided that she's not as attractive as Belle. In fact, Belle and Ugly Girlfriend may have their roles reversed the next night, or even later in the same evening! It's all in the eye of the beholder... or something like that.

However, when just Beau, Belle, and Ugly Girlfriend are present, the following situation will invariably occur...

               BEAU

     This place is a little stuffy.  Want to go someplace 
     else?

               BELLE

     Sure, I'd....

               UGLY GIRLFRIEND
          (annoyed)

     ....uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.  She's not going anywhere with 
     you, because she has to take me home because I'm 
     tired!  
And that, friends, is the end of that. Which is why Beau needs... his Wingman. Wingman takes one for the team. He's in charge of distraction tactics and keeping the Ugly Girlfriend entertained. Let's face it: When someone's talking to your friend, and not to you, it can get a little annoying. In a way, Wingman is helping out everyone. He may even end up "hooking up" with Ugly-Girlfriend, although that is simply an unexpected benefit, and certainly not the Wingman's primary goal. Now let's go back to our previous encounter, but this time, Wingman is present and in full effect...

               BEAU

     This place is a little stuffy.  Want to go someplace 
     else?

               BELLE

     Sure, I'd love to, but what about my Ugly Girlfriend?

               BEAU

     Don't worry about her.  My Wingman will keep her 
     occupied...

               WINGMAN
          (laying it on thick)

     ...so I said to the guy, "Buddy!"  I look him square 
     in the eyes, and say, "Buddy!  I don't care if we have 
     to drive all night.  We're going to be there by 
     morning!"

               UGLY GIRLFRIEND
          (distracted, distraught)

     Hey, where did Belle go?
If Wingman is a true Wingman, he keeps Ugly Girlfriend entertained until she either pushes him away or decides to leave, in which case Wingman hails a cab for her. It is essential that the Wingman do this, otherwise Ugly Girlfriend will notify Belle of what an asshole all of Beau's friends are, which can lead to much grief for Beau, and cause him to be more reluctant in the future to be Wingman's Wingman.

The Girlfriend Group: Dissected:

The Pretty Girl: Every Girlfriend group contains the PG (Pretty Girl) A.K.A. Belle, but the other girlfriends exists to protect and/or encorage the pretty girl from/to talking with the GIQ (Guy In Question) A.K.A. Beau. The PG may interchange with other members, depending on the GIQ's taste. All members are interchangeable, with any one person acting as others depending on the GIQ.

The Bodyguard Girlfriend, sometimes called the Kickass Girlfriend: This is the girl who hangs out with the others to specifically protect them from the GIQ. In Doing so, he Bodyguard Girlfriend, hereafter called the BG, will act as buffer for the PG. Her tactics are brutal, but sometimes needed. Enemy of the wrongly persistent GIQ, they are surprisingly apt in their judgment.
EXAMPLE:
GIQ: (approaches Girlfriend Group) Hi, I'm Jim. Can I buy You a drink? {subtext: You're pretty. May I hit on you?}
PG: No thanks, I've already got one. {subtext: No. Go Away now.}
GIQ: But it's empty. {subtext: I don't take no for an answer, and I've been told this is good.}
PG: Well, I was just about to leave. {subtext: Please go away.}
GIQ: Just stay for one more drink with me? {subtext: I will not back down.}
PG: No, really. My... trainer's coming really early tomorrow. {subtext: I don't want to hurt your feelings, but go away.}
GIQ: He can't be coming that early, or you wouldn't be...
BG: She said no! (headbutts GIQ) {subtext: Fuck off. You're bothering us.}

This is, of course, an extreme example.

The Whiner Girlfriend: The Whiner, or WG will attempt to act as another type of buffer, her tactic being to keep the PG away from GIQ without it looking like the PG's fault. In this, the PG can roll her eyes apologetically at the GIQ and leave with the WG without appearing to be a bitch who blew him off. But, like illustrated above, the WG can sometimes evaluate the situation wrongly, and whine at the PG when the PG may be genuinely interested. The WG prays on the nice but unattractive guy.
EXAMPLE (of a proper WG evaluation):
GIQ: Is heaven missing an angel, or do you always look that way? {subtext: You're pretty, will you fall for this line?}
PG: (Laughs nervously} That's funny. {subtext: That was the most terrible line I've ever heard. You're sad.}
GIQ: Can I buy you a drink? {subtext: I have low self esteem. Don't shoot me down.}
PG: No Thanks, I've got one right here. {subtext: I'm sorry, but no.}
GIQ: But that one is almost empty. {subtext: You must have misheard me, I want to buy you a new drink.}
WG: Actually, Susan, I need you to drive me home now. I'm tired. {subtext: Go away before I morph into BG before your eyes.}
PG: Sorry. {subtext: Thank God!}

EXAMPLE (of an improper WG evaluation):
GIQ: Hi, I'm Jim. {subtext: You're pretty.}
PG: I'm Susan. {subtext: You're cute.}
GIQ: Can I buy you a drink? {subtext: Talk with me.}
PG: Thanks, this one's almost out. {subtext: Sure.}
WG: Omigod, Susan, you need to drive me home now! I'm tired. {subtext: She can not like this guy. Eww.}
PG: I'm not tired. Let's stay a little while longer. {subtext: I like this guy.}
WG: I really need to get home. Sorry, Joe. (pulls PG from table) {subtext: I am doing her such a favor.}

As seen, the WG who jumps to quickly to conclusions will certainly make the wrong choice. Be wary in trying to help a friend.

The Girlfriend Wingman: An unexpected helper in your quest for the PG, the GW can be amazingly helpful in stopping an overzealous WG. The GW is often known for her uncanny sense and timing. Let's look at the GW in action:
EXAMPLE:
GIQ: Hi, I'm Jim. {subtext: You're pretty.}
PG: I'm Susan. {subtext: You're cute.}
GIQ: Can I buy you a drink? {subtext: Talk with me.}
PG: Thanks, this one's almost out. {subtext: Sure.}
WG: Omigod, Susan, you need to drive me home now! I'm tired. {subtext: She can not like this guy. Eww.}
PG: I'm not tired. Let's stay a little while longer. {subtext: I like this guy.}
GW: (springs into action) I can drive you home. Let's go. {subtext: back off WG, they've got chemistry.}
WG: But I left my stuff in her car. {subtext: Do you really think she likes this loser?}
GW: We'll get them first. (gets up from table) See you. (pulls WG with her) {subtext: Crisis averted, you may continue flirtation.}
As you can see, the GW is the GIQ's unexpected best friend.

The Dumb Girlfriend or Ugly Girlfriend: The DG, sometimes improperly called the Ugly Girlfriend (see above for full detail) is a species of girlfriend that is unaware of the attraction levels in the PG and GIQ. She responds to this with unreasonable demands for the PG to "leave because I'm so tired," "Come to the bathroom with me," and other genuinely selfish thoughts. The DG is never thinking of her friend's well being, but only of herself. I will not subject you to a conversation involving the DG, as it is too horrific to be seen, it would cause your computer to melt in the manner of a Stephan King prop. GIQ's subjected to the DG will rarely be able to sit through a conversation with the DG for long before shrieking aloud in anguish. Men, beware of the DG, her cries will haunt you for long afterward.


Now, Let's look at your various Wingmen, Crucial in Staving off the Dumb Girlfriend:

Martyr Wingman: This wingman, the MW, will lay his life and sanity on the line for you. Be sure to thank him afterward, he is a great friend to have.
EXAMPLE:
GIQ: Hey, I'm Jim. {subtext: You're cute. Wanna talk?}
PG: Susan. Hi. {subtext: Yeah.}
GIQ: Can I buy you a drink? {subtext: Really?}
PG: Oh, I've got one, why don't you sit with us. This is my friend Vicky. {subtext: Yes, really.}
DG: Hi.{subtext: Me, me, me, me, me, and me}

You see, at this point, the DG appears totally normal, almost friendly. Soon, though, the MW will throw himself in front of the proverbial bullet.
GIQ: This is Peter.{subtext: I'm not a loner, see?}
MW: Hello. {subtext: Ugh, that Vicky girl has a snot strand)
PG: Hi, Peter. {subtext: So you're not a loner. Interesting.}
DG: Hey. Ooh, Susan, I just remembered, I need to drive home and feed my cat. {subtext: ME!}
MW: (noticing GIQ and PG) Oh, uh, I could drive you home. I was about to leave anyway. {subtext: You owe me, like, so big dude.}
As Seen, the MW is the best wingman a boy could ask for.

The Fast Talker Wingman: While not as highly praised as the martyr, the fast talker, or FTW, knows the power of throwing himself in the way of more than a bullet, if you catch my drift. The martyr may be doing you a service in distracting that whiny bitch, but the fast talker does more than distract. While this may occasionally lead to the fast talker taking a lot of s*** from his bros, he is a true wingman who just realizes that the crazy ones are dynamite in the sack, fat girls try harder, and girls who can give a decent head butt are all kinds of hot. They're also less upset about their duties, knowing that payback comes in many forms, the martyr usually requiring payback in the form of drinks and/or introduction to your hot sister, and no one wants that.It's no coincidence that he is FTW.
EXAMPLE:
GIQ: Hey, I'm Jim, and this is Peter. {subtext: You're cute. Wanna talk?}
FTW: Hi. {subtext: pick and choose, bro}
PG: Susan. Hi. {subtext: Yeah.}
GIQ: Can I buy you a drink? {subtext: Really?}
PG: Oh, I've got one, why don't you sit with us. This is my friend Vicky. {subtext: Yes, really.}
DG: Susan I have to get another drink from the bar, my martini is sub par. {MEEEEE.}
FTW: You like martinis? I moonlighted as a bartender in college... {subtext: She's got crazy eyes, better stretch beforehand}
{GIQ & PG slink away}

The Flimsy Wingman: Virtually useless, the FW, as sometimes called, lacks everything a proper wingman should possess. He never has your back, and tries to make up for his pathetic wingmen skills with high fives. A conversation with any PG with a DG is out of the question, as the FW would never help you out, he's too busy chatting up the easy girl (or EG) at the bar.

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