Two Gentlemen on Veronica

The break room. Nerdquo and Helmut are seated at a table.

Helmut

Once more the peanut butter and jelly?
No wonder you grow so round of belly!

Nerdquo

‘tis cheap and filling. Stimulates the mind.
Though as well it does deform my behind.

Helmut

Not I! My body is a temple, yet
bereft of worshipers. My dearest pet
gives me the shoulder cold until I find
a new job and leave this whole mess behind.
Perhaps the ice queen will attend my mass...
Speak of the devil! Now comes that fine ass!

Nerdquo

Helmut, I implore you. Chase not this dream.
Do not believe you’ll turn that ice to steam!
She’s here to suck the last cash from our boss
and leave a bloodless husk behind, all loss.

Enter Veronica

Helmut

Fie! All you know of women comes from porn
and fondling you own shaft until it’s worn
and lifeless. In your mother’s basement still
your life’s sad story writ with sodden quill.

I tell you when I see a form that fine
I might accept Intelligent Design.
Be bold, I say, and seize the sudden chance!
She comes! Now watch, dude, see the master dance!

Nerdquo (aside):

A most epic train wreck doth approach us.

Helmut

Well met, good lady! Fortune smiles today!
Most glad we are to see you come our way!
My comrade and I both welcome you here.
You’re sharp and capable, that much is clear.
A fiscal titan, less I miss my guess.
A Meriwether poured into a dress.

Veronica

And you would be?

Helmut

    None but the beating heart
of this fine corporation. From the start
we two have laboured deep within the cubes
to build a site that separates the rubes
from income most disposable. Not ours
are failures far above in comfy tow’rs.
Do greet our guest, Nerdquo.

Nerdquo

    Oh, yeah, uhm, Hi.

Helmut

Forgive my friend. He is always most shy
of female beauty such as yours, I fear.

Veronica

Perhaps if he could raise eyes from my rear
Up to my face he’d somehow find his spine.
I’ve work to do. I’ll leave you here to dine
on brown bag dross. I need to make my way
To the accounting suite ere close of day.

Helmut

Fly not away so fast, oh sweet corporate bird.
We’re both at your disposal. Say the word!
Your every need accomplished on demand.
Oh please, I pray, let me take you in hand.

Nerdquo chokes on his sandwich.

Veronica (aside):

Perhaps an old hand like this mangy elf
Might have a grip on more than just himself.
I sense that this one’s a deluded fool
And yet it happens that I need a tool.

Veronica

Well then, my new minion. Please do arise.
We’ll overlook that bump you can’t disguise.
The lame one stays. One geek’s all I can stand.
Show me the pathway to accounting land.
Mayhap I can reward you in return.

Exit Helmut and Veronica.

Nerdquo

What just happened?

back ... forward


This original version of this scene was written by toasterleavings but was removed by the author. I support tl's decision to withdraw his scenes, but the hole this created in our tale has long vexed me. I don't have his gift for language, nor have I tried to mimic it. I have replaced it with a new scene of my own which follows the same basic outline, and sets Act II in motion. I hope that dannye would approve of my effort to complete our tale once again.

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