1. Canada doesn't get involved in wars. Seriously, I don't see the Canadian military doing that much overseas. Japan has a more active armed service and it's not even technically an armed service. So there's not much danger in getting involved in a land war in Asia.
  2. Canada doesn't have to deal with American-style health care issues. If you get sick or injured in Canada, you go to a hospital and you get treated. They don't stick you in a waiting room for an hour while they look up your insurance records. And if you have to get medicine, you pay less for it, without having to mail-order it or get bitched at by drug companies taking out full-page ads with Lance Armstrong in every newspaper.
  3. If you don't like to see gay people getting married, there are millions of square miles of uninhabited land that you can build a house/farm/compound on. And I hear that moose meat is tasty.
  4. The Kids In The Hall was always funnier than Saturday Night Live.
  5. No reliance on foreign energy because there's a whole load of energy within the country just waiting to be exploited. The U.S. passed this capability a long time ago, but Canada will have it for a long, long time, at least until we have megalopoli along the coast of Hudson Bay.
  6. Nobody will complain if you visit Havana, Tehran, or Pyongyang. In fact, they'll take your money and show you a good time.
  7. Nobody will complain if you go to foreign countries in general unless they mistakenly think you're a United Statesian, in which case you're screwed anyway.
  8. It doesn't take seven years to get a law degree. Seriously, what kind of crack was the American Bar Association smoking when they decided to make law a doctorate? It's an easier subject than motorcycle maintenance and it's not nearly as greasy (although that might depend on your jurisdiction).
  9. While I'm on legal issues, Mary Jaaaaaaaaane! 'Nuff said. And finally:
  10. If the Labatt Blue commercials are to be believed, even a big grizzly bear can pick up fine-looking women in Canada as long as he has a beer in his paws. That's just awesome.
If you can get over occasional rule by French people, the choice is obvious. Expatriate to Canada in 2004.
Note: I'm not serious. Although I really wish it were this easy.

  • kthejoker says: Also, Celine Dion has moved to Vegas. SUSTAINED.
  • Cletus the Foetus says: Canada? Not involved in wars? Dude, we're in Afghanistan right now. We were in Kosovo before that. And so on. OVERRULED. If a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it, it hasn't fucking fallen and you should deal with it.
  • dem bones says: I dunno, brother. I don't think this is up to sekicho. I know you're a 1L ... is the pressure too much? SUSTAINED. See point 8, supra.
  • RalphyK says: Dude, I'm totally emigrating, and bringing several million Brits with me. Do you have several million couches? OVERRULED. I live in Philadelphia, and besides, I don't even have a couch. Sorry.
  • IronGoth says: When you come to Canada and check out your tax bill, you might drop your jaw a bit. But don't worry, the money's going to important things, like buying the former Prime Minister a golf course, rewarding prominent Liberal supporters with unbidded contracts, multibillion dollar ineffective gun registries, lifetime welfare for large tracts of the country, etc. SUSTAINED, but I have an affirmative defense: It's better than tax dollars going to (you guessed it) Halliburton! (God, I love being a liberal American sometimes. The rhetoric is just so easy.)
  • IronGoth says: If you get sick or injured in Canada, you go to a hospital and you wait and wait and wait. If you live in a major city, the ER is overcrowded, and if you're more rural, you're lucky if you can find a doctor. The government trots out anecdotal evidence to the contrary, but at the same time are in brown trousers mode over serious problems. If you need urgent treatment, you'd better hope the waiting list isn't too long, or the state doesn't consider you too old or otherwise unworthy of care. Your taxes for this are through the roof, and you have no opportunity to pay for care out of pocket for better service if you're in imminent danger of dying. Some care isn't covered, so you end up paying more in taxes than you pay here for a PPO, AND get the shaft for "not-covered" services. And if you have to get medicine, you're restricted to drugs the government has negotiated lower prices for. Naturally, when the Prime Minister or some other major politician needs care, he typically goes to the United States for prompt, efficient treatment. OVERRULED. America sucks. Deal with it.
  • Gorgonzola says: If you hop off the elephant onto the mule, you're still sleeping next to the elephant. OVERRULED because Canada is bigger than the U.S., and at any rate it's above the U.S. and there's no way they're going to find me when I go to hide in Nunavut.
  • telbij says: The problem is if you, me and everyone else who is nauseated by the thought of another 4 years of neocon narcissism decides to pick up and leave, then we're throwing away the small bit of power that each of us possesses, that infinitesimal slice of liberty that billions around the world hunger for; The choice to vote out Bush, and send the message that: yes we may be the richest country in the world (apologies to Qatar), and yes we may prosper off slave labor from the poverty-stricken world majority, but goddammit we reject the idea of random yet profitable invasions of countries backed up by the mantra of Democracy springing forth from the muzzle of a gun like the virgin birth. Uhm..... SUSTAINED, I think.
  • Deckard97 says: hah hah...if this is the kind of 'reasoning' they teach in Canada, I see a clear indication of just how much you sacrifice by not studying for seven years to get a degree in law. OVERRULED because, as mentioned above, I AM A UNITED STATESIAN, YOU MORMON.

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