There comes to a point in every person's life where he or she must learn to let go. It's so hard to do so, we learn at a very young age to hang on. Try teaching yourself to forget how to walk. You can't -- it's something that once learned, stays with you.

Yet letting go is something that everyone must do. Our lives are constantly filled with changes, to never let go is to always deny these changes. To deny these changes makes us unable to adapt.

Now it is my turn to let go. I've never wanted to do this, but if I don't, we will never go anywhere, we will never accomplish anything. We will never be happy if we stay like this. I tried my hardest to make things work, but I knew that they never could. I was holding onto something that wasn't there. So were you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that it had to be this way. I never wanted anything more than to hold you and not let go. But I can't. The longer I hold on, the more it will hurt. The more pain we will be in. This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you. But the pain is fleeting. We will find others. We will learn, laugh, grow, even if we cannot do it together. This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you. It's a hard journey, but in the end, that's what life is about. Not the destination, but the journey.

We had our memories. I will never forget them. But I will let go. You must do the same.


*inspired by a breakup I had a few months ago
The last time I heard this I thought to myself

"Fine. Then why don't I do it to you. I wouldn't want to cause you any pain."

It doesn't matter what the situation is, this line is total bull when you are on the recieving end of it. How could this possibly hurt you more than it hurts me? I'm the one who has to have the memory of this. I am the one who is going to think about it the most often. Surely you will do whatever it is that you have to do and then you will walk away. If it really hurt you to do this thing that you are about to do, surely you will block it out of your memory and that will be the end of it, because that was your choice. But don't go trying to make me feel bad for you because you have to hurt me. I didn't have a choice and so I don't get that feeling of freedom that you got with your decision to hurt me. Instead I will be reminded of it and I will not be able to let go. In fact, it will take me longer to get over it because I will struggle with my feelings. To hate you for hurting me or to continue to love you as I always did? How can I love someone who doesn't love me anymore? How can I not? Every thing I do and every thing I see will bring back memories which confuse me even more.

You will go on with your life never thinking of me. While I will jump every time the phone rings hoping that it's you. You will date other people while I have to stifle the impulse to call you and ask you if you wanna go see your favorite band that is coming to town next month. You will make new friends while I go to dinner with the two other couples we used to hang out with. Constantly being reminded of the fact that you aren't here any more.

And you thought this would hurt you more than it hurt me?
I've noticed that most every time I've heard this it was intensely untrue. It's too easily used as a seemingly easy way to have someone think that you really care. Usually, but not always, it's simply muttered as a last ditch effort to console, comfort a broken heart, to raise fallen eyes that simply don't want to look at a world full of so much hurt.

It's to the point, at least with me, that hearing these words angers me. I can't believe it and it just makes everything seem much worse. "This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you", so don't do it, that's all I could ever think when it was said to me. If it's going to hurt so badly then why bother doing it at all? "I don't want to walk away from this, but I have to", no, no you don't, you didn't have to you wanted to and there is a difference. Granted, there are times when walking away is for the best, but it's too hard to differentiate between when that is the case, and when someone is simply too weak and foolish to deal with things that life throws at them.

I suppose that this could be used as a ploy for sympathy and understanding but most times it wouldn't be found from me. I feel no pity for a pain that you are creating because your world was simply too dull, or not what you wanted but to drag it on for so long and then thrust such words in my face as if it would help. "I'm hurting too", you know what? Good.

I'm sure sometimes it is truth, but I'll never believe it from him, or most anyone ever again.. its sort of odd how lies erase and obscure to such an extreme extent.

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