No. She doesn't.
     i should know. i'm her

alright... so it wasn't technically murder. You led me to my death though. you betrayed me.

you promised you'd protect me, you'd keep me *safe*. my sister, clairvoyant, told me not to fight, i would die. you told me i would be alright, i would be safe... that the battle would not kill me. you couldn't have been more wrong.

i was young, younger than i am now. and much much more naive in soul. that was one of the early times, i was so so soulyoung. But, in the way i understood it at the time, i *did* love you. i loved you as fully as i could. as fully as i could grok the word was how fully i loved you. (i know now that 'love' was a pale pale shadow of true love, but it was all i knew then.)

you weren't half the fighter you thought you were, you weren't nearly that good... i, for my "fairer sex" and slight body, could more than match you. and you were fighting careless. you made a *stupid* mistake... you were going to die.

i loved you. i couldn't let you. i lunged in for your blow, assuming you'd then protect me as i was protecting you. you *didn't*. i took that blow. i took a sword-wound. across my stomach and side] and a few hours later, in the healer's tent... i bled to death. i *died*.

i died so you could LIVE. because i wanted you to go on because i treasured your life. but you did not. you killed yourself upon word of my death. you dishonoured my gift.

i forgot about you, then. i had no need for one who would do such a thing.

and now the karmic wheel has turned, and you and i have crossed paths once more. and the old patterns in your soul still love me as they did. but i *know* what you did. you in essence murdered me. and you dishonoured me. and i know you can't let go of the past at *all* this time. even your past from *this* life... you will not let it go! the past is over, don't look to it to repeat itself... but you did *this*. you killed me.

and you wonder why i love another now? one who i can *truly* love and am loved by in return. you wonder why i dont want YOU back, how i can "betray" you like this.

because you who i thought as lover became my executioner.

i don't want that. i don't need to die wastefully again. i need to live to heal. there were so many thing i did not learn, that time... because i died *so young*. because of you.

i don't need another betrayer. i need a love, an equal, one true, a partner that balances my strengths and flaws, one who knows his *own* limits, and mine... i need *these* things. And i have them now. i do not need you, as i did so long ago.


so no... the one he murdered once still loves him only in his own memory. in their reality... she does not.


my own personal time capsule of lives

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