I never understood this phrase until pretty recently. I always thought 'they're totally opposite, right?' Wrong. I'd been seeing this girl for about 8 months when she decided to go out with her mates one night and ended up getting off (aka making out in brit-speak) with another guy. I was totally into her and she says she was totally into me, (I believe her) so as you can probably guess I was a little miffed, to say the least. Anyway, after acting like a wuss about it for a while I decided I didn't really want her back anyway. So I got my stuff back and haven't spoken to her since. I'm not sure if this was a good idea or not, but that's a whole other node...

So like I was saying, we loved each other. We had no bones about saying it, loved to hear it and had no trouble showing it. Then it happened. What was love fairly quickly turned to hate. I've had a while to think about this now, and I'm okay with it. The reason goes a little like this: (and here's the real point of the node)

Loving someone entails putting a whole load of trust in them. This makes you very vulnerable to having that trust abused. When this happens you end up feeling all betrayed, and for some of us that usually goes straight on into hatred.

I wish I could be one of those people who just forgets and goes on. And I tried to be for a while, but for me it's just not right. For those that can I guess the line between love and hate could still be fine, it's just moved further over to the hate side. (ie. someone has to deserve it more to cross the line into hatred)

For people like me the line is fine and crossing it's not too hard.

How does that work?

You are important to me.
Quiet, subtle, and clever. You know how to make yourself the center of a room, even if you don’t realize it. You have to be aware of the heads swivelling to look at you,
and it doesn’t affect you. You aren’t afraid to help those that need it. You are a perfect person in almost every respect.

Just looking at you makes me seethe. It isn’t you. It isn’t your friends, or your boyfriend. You’ve never done anything to me; you’ve never hurt me.

Still, you make me unspeakably angry. My hands clench, my face turns livid white. I stomp off to homeroom and stew for a while. I snap at people, I turn into a real asshole.
I spend the day looking for you, hating myself for it, but looking anyway.

The day ends and we walk down the hall.
“Hello.”
“Hey.”
We get to the atrium, off to the buses.
“What happened earlier? You looked really mad.”
“Oh that, it was nothing.”
“Oh.”
We stop by your bus and you turn to look at me.
“Well, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You climb on the bus, I turn away to find my own.

Walking away, you can’t see the tears in my eyes, because I love you.

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