so, big surprise, looks like i have a NEMESIS now. maybe i shouldnt even say nemesis because usually a nemesis is a guy who is sort of similar to the main guy in a lot of ways and who even completes him sort of (like one is not the same without the other to fight against) like Magneto to Charles Xavier or Harry Potter to Voldemort. i used to read a lot of comics as a kid especially THE FLASH but i never understood his villains actually because for instence there was one who was a gorilla alien or something and another was Captain Cold the guy with a cold gun and i dont know how those were supposed to be logical matches for him. like check this out:

SUPERMAN:                     LEX LUTHOR
  Brawn           VS.           Brains
brawn and brains, simple enough. for the Flash it was:
THE FLASH:                   GORILLA GRODD:
  Speed           VS.           Gorilla

so what the fuck. so maybe im rambling a bit but the point is that calling this kid a nemesis is being really damn generous because our pairing goes like this:
          ME:                               DAVE HOWELL:
Brains, Agility, Charisma,     VS.       Nothing, Diabetes
Stealth, Power                 

(p.s. to the nazi editors who told me to read the help files you cant say i didnt because look i learned how to make that spaced right and it only took like 500 hours)

okay so Dave Howell. i show up this weekend to meet with Vincent Von Androalphus and some other necromancers from the area for our weekly meeting and Dave Howell is there and he says he is studying The Dark Arts and is going to join our order. i knew Dave Howell in high school and he was an enormous dork, he pretty much just watched japanimation DVDs about schoolgirls with too huge racks piloting giant robots which i admit is kind of cool but it gets old quick and he did this (and talked about it all the time) for at least the four years i knew him. four years of the same giant robots and the same girls with blue and green hair and shit like there is any japanese person in the world who has hair like that and giant non-brown eyes. he also played a lot of Magic: The Gathering card game but then again we all did back then and it kicked ass so i wont fault him for that one.

point is i know hes full of it and this is all a game to him, like its some kids Dungeons and Dragons campain and i am ashamed to call him one of us. so i dont. but it gets worse. i was not too worried when he showed up because i was sure he would show himself to be a fool and get laughed out of such powerful company but he didnt at all. he actually knows some stuff about necromancy and he even recited an INCANTATION that he said was by Aleister Crowley that nobody had heard before. i dont know if it was even real but Vincent Von Androalphus said it sounded legit and i guess we'll find out because it was an incantation to make it rain and now the weather fourcast is calling for storms on thursday so probably hes gonna get props for that one.

my master said that he thinks Dave Howell has THE DARK SPARK and that pisses me right the hell off because when he said the same thing about me he said he had not seen someone like that for eons (Vincent Von Androalphus can remember all his past lives and he was a necromancer in all of them). i dont know how someone can act like theyre gonna become the next great DARK MASTER when all it takes to put them in a coma is low bloodsugar. like no matter how powerful he gets he will always be defeated by too many Snickers bars.

but he is a threat. i know that Vincent Von Androalphus has secret teachings that he wants to pass on to his heir. i wont let Dave Howell get those teachings. i have to find a way. i will ruin him. he has trespassed on DARK TERRITORY and he will pay for his arrogance.

Reading Kant. So far a desperate experience.

First major confusion arrived very early on with:

For example, the proposition, "Every change has a cause," is a proposition a priori, but impure, because change is a conception which can only be derived from experience.

...

Now, that in the sphere of human cognition we have judgements which are necessary, and in the strictest sense universal, consequently pure a priori, it will be an easy matter to show. If we desire an example from the sciences, we need only take any proposition in mathematics. If we cast our eyes upon the commonest operations of the understanding, the proposition, "Every change must have a cause," will amply serve our purpose.


In short, shoot me.

it's over
just say you're lost
in ever-long disconnect
a moment of sober clarity, one minute
the sun is blinding the next
gracefully swaying out from the darkened room
you've not known how long it's been
but it feels so...
and then you touch, taste
and your catty eyes dilate
you're warm, and you're being devoured
fighting this, no
struggle, a foregone intent

the monster plays her seraphic body like a mandolin
high heels dig into the white satin whatever
wherever, because this is not where it was just then
but being ungrudgingly pinned
and holding hands with some angelic... monster?
of course, that which hides in your wardrobe
all night, watching you breathe
it is all a fine line, you know

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