(Out of an old relationship and into a new one)
There is no perfect way through a relationship, I've tried. I've analyzed and over-analyzed every stupid aspect of the issue, and while I've come up with a few good points, I've still essentially ended up with nil.
What happens when you're conflicted in a relationship? I mean, that is, when you're torn between two different actions, both with seemingly undesired consequences?
I guess what you have to do is what most people do when they vote in a Presidential election. Choose the lesser of two evils.
Case in point:
Recently I ended a long term relationship(2 years) which by anyone with an ounce of sanity's standards I should have ended a few months after I entered the relationship. Things didn't go very well, we really didn't have much to talk about, and pretty much all it came down to was constant, incessant sex.
Now maybe it was because the sex was good, (not phenomenal, but above average) or because I'm a guy and I don't like going looking for a new partner, or maybe it was a combination of them both, but I perpetuated what has to be one of the worst relationships I have ever had into one of the longest relationships I have ever had.
As for her, well, I suppose she probably had some attachment toward me which might have been a reason that she stuck around so long.
As for me, well, I suppose I probably had some attachment toward her as well, or maybe it was just the fact that I'm a nice guy (or try to be) and I don't like hurting people.
Anyway, about a year into the relationship, we "officially" broke up. I quote that word because that was all it was--a word. It didn't change the nature of the relationship, we still fucked on a regular basis, still said the "L" word and all the other assorted bullshit that goes along with an "official" relationship. Things progressed in their usual downward spiral and I kept trying to find an easy way out so I could get into another relationship, with someone else.
So I said, "Fuck it."
There's a motto I go by, and it goes something like this:
"When in doubt, fuck it. When not in doubt, get in doubt!"
A relationship divided against itself, cannot stand. And one cannot get into another relationship if one is emotionally caught up in one to begin with. Which is actually my point, here.
I've been in love before, what I would consider true love, where you would do anything up to and including laying down your life for that other person. That ended badly, but that isn't the point of what I'm talking about here. From the beginning of this relationship, I knew that I wasn't in love. It wasn't the same. Not that I expected it to be, but the intensity of feeling wasn't there. It was characterized by more of a feeling of "I respect you as a human being, so therefore I don't want to hurt you unnecessarily" or maybe just the avoidance of guilt.
Which brings us to Point 1:
If your relationship doesn't make you want to say, "Wow. This is fucking amazing!" Get out. Don't settle. Life is too short and too fucked up to waste time in a relationship that is sub-par.
Which leads into Point 2:
Don't be afraid to be an asshole(/bitch). Pity or guilt is probably the worst reason to be in any relationship. If things aren't going well, then end it. Try to be nice, but if that fails, give 'em hell.
So you're starting out fresh.
I've had much time to think about this subject, and the points I illustrate here work very well. Try them out, you might be surprised.
Think about the kind of person that you want to meet. What they might be interested in, what they like to do for fun, where they might work, where they might live, etc. It's important to think as much as you can about the subject. The person you may meet is unlikely to have everything you are looking for, but you can at least probably get 75% of what you're looking for if you do things right, and look in the right place.
What is the right place?
The right place is dependent on many factors. Think about it this way:
Are you looking for someone with similar interests? (conversation, or just a fuck buddy?)
How do you want this person to look? (athletic, doesn't matter, particular ethnic?)
Are you looking for someone to share the same activities with? (play games/sports, hobbies?)
Are you looking for someone intelligent, or does it matter?
The best way to meet someone like this is to "invent" a fictional person, and then put yourself in their position, and ask yourself, "What do I like to do?" It sounds simple, but it gives you a good idea where you might meet such a person.
The most important part of all this, however, is not to fall into the same pattern. Remember Points 1 and 2! If you don't hit it off right away, take off and find someone else. Don't expect that you'll just "learn to love them". It doesn't happen. What is likely, however, is that you'll probably find somebody who you're crazy about. There are about 6 Billion People on this planet, the odds are in your favor.