This node is based on my experience, but it is not one that is altogether uncommon. I node it in the hopes that it will help those of you who have been, or are in, a similar predicament as me. The predicament is as follows:

  • Relationship ended some time ago. Both parties have come to terms with this ending.
  • Have remained close with ex-boyfriend - in fact, we still get along fantastically and he is one of my closest friends.
  • Still attracted to ex-boyfriend, and vice versa.
  • Absolutely love to shag him, and vice versa.
  • Unable to quit the habit.
Having just come away from a "hit", I will try and quickly node my rational justifications for quitting this before my libido returns and all hope is lost. So, I will write a number of reasons why I should NOT be having, or should have, sex with my ex-boyfriend. A contract if you will; a contract with myself. And a manifesto of my intentions.

This contract refers to the afflicted moongirl (referred to in the first person) and the ex-boyfriend (hereafter referred to as "him/he").

Established truths:

  1. The possibility of a relationship with him has been exhausted.
  2. I am fully capable of attracting other men.
Realities of situation:
  1. I have sex with him now out of a desire for control, a desire to conquer him.
  2. We both know that what we are doing may not be constructive.
  3. I still love him and that love isn't being utilized in this sex. It should be used in other ways.
  4. A little part of me wants to believe the sex is something it is not.
Conclusions:
  • He was a wonderful boyfriend, and has the potential to be a really fantastic friend. Shagging him casually puts him out of both of these categories. Having established the former is not a possibility, the latter should be focussed on. And having sex with him limits the growth of the friendship.
  • Although sex with him is very very good, most sex is very very good. It can be gotten elsewhere.
  • The sexual anticipation makes it difficult for us to spend time together, and as he is somebody who is very close to me, I want to be able to comfortably spend time with him.
  • I will always:
    • be able to attract him
    • be able to make him howl.
    Tests are not necessary.

To be read before I see him. A note from the sane, sober moongirl to the emotionally overwhelmed moongirl...

  • Your horniness will fade when you are not anticipating seeing him.
  • You will kick yourself if you have sex with him.
  • You are just getting off on the ego-trip.
  • You enjoy controlling him in this manner. You are also enjoying being this close to him after you broke up, but there are other, more constructive ways to do this.
  • Every time you shag him it gets harder for you to stop at some point.
  • The sex is good - but you can easily live without it. And it's never as good as you think it will be.
  • It's a dead end.

Behaviors that are no longer to be tolerated:

  1. Shaving before you see him.
  2. Teasing (physical, verbal or emotional) in general.
  3. Back rubs, foot rubs, shoulder rubs, or any rubs in general in a private place.
  4. Consuming alcohol with him beyond one or two beers. Hard liquor is absolutely forbidden.
  5. Spending extended periods of time at either his or your apartment, alone, with no planned activity.
Terms and Length of Agreement: Sexual activities and all applicable behaviors with the ex-boyfriend are to be suspended indefinitely. Relations can only resume if the above statements change dramatically, or a healthy sexual relationship is developed that has no bearing whatsoever on the nature of the friendship, and occurs very infrequently in comparison to the platonic time spent together. If the friendship is strengthened, behaviors 3, 4 and 5 can be opened for negotiation.

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