A horrible little story that makes the rounds of the BDSM community
about every 8 or 9 minutes. Sadly, it seems to be one of the cornerstones in
the Newbie Rant and stands at the heart of the "Gift Paradigm"
The Gift, the Giver, the Rebel, the Thief, and the Stranger
and his Glue
The Giver was alone, and the Gift unused: the Giver felt lonely, and sought
to find someone worthy of the Gift.
The Rebel came along and saw the Gift the Giver possessed, and desired the
Gift for himself. Rather than ask the Giver for the Gift, or ask what the Giver
wanted for the Gift, the Rebel decided that social rules did not apply to him,
and simply said "Give me the gift."
The Giver knew that the Gift was fragile and would be destroyed if mistreated,
and did not trust the Rebel; for how many of those who are impolite are also
delicate? But the Giver did not wish to offend, and so said to the Rebel "I
am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else."
The Rebel grew angry and blustered "But I deserve the Gift. I am special
and I deserve that things be given to me."
The Giver, glad to have trusted her first instinct, merely repeated: "I
am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else." And the Rebel, still complaining,
went his way.
The Giver sat under a willow tree, contemplating the Gift and wondering about
the qualities needed to really appreciate the Gift; as she was sitting there
the sun and the breeze and the sound of the creek below lulled her into a doze.
The Thief, who had overheard the Rebel and the Giver, was waiting for just
this moment. Dashing out from behind a nearby bush, he made a grab for the Gift;
grasping it he started to run away. However, the Giver was awakened by this
and reached out to stop the Thief.
"Give that back!" cried the Giver. "It is not yours! You have
no right!" So saying, she reached out, trying to retrieve the Gift.
The Thief said "I do not care if it was not mine, I have possession of
it so it is now my property." And so saying, he pulled again at the Gift,
hoping to wrench it from the Giver.
In the ensuing struggle, the Gift was fouled, battered, and broken. The Thief,
deciding he did not want a damaged Gift, finally let go and said "You keep
it; it is now worthless."
The Giver cried at the state of the Gift, which she had hoped to find someone
worthy of; it was dirty, pieces were missing and scattered in the grass around
her, and the intact parts were bent and dented. She began to believe the Thief's
assessment of the Gift: perhaps it no longer mattered who it belonged to, worthless
as it was.
But then she noticed that her tears made clean streaks on the Gift as they
fell, and she thought that perhaps if some of it could be cleaned, all of it
could; perhaps she could make her Gift have worth once again. She took the Gift
and its broken pieces to the creek, where she began to wash them.
The Gift was easy to clean, but in trying to wash the pieces that had been
broken from it, the Giver lost one. She began to lose hope again. Yet she was
still determined to try to repair the Gift.
Hours passed as she fit pieces back together where they would stay. Some pieces
she could not make stay, however. From behind her, a voice: "Perhaps this
Glue could help you mend your Gift". She turned to see a Stranger, holding
a small tube of Glue. She took the Glue and thanked the Stranger, then finished
repairing her Gift with the Stranger'sGlue.
When she turned to give the Glue back to the Stranger, he was gone. She thought
to herself that this Stranger had thought her Gift worthy enough to donate his
Glue, and not even demand payment, nor even ask for the Glue to be returned.
Perhaps her Gift had worth after all.
And as she sat and contemplated her Gift, she realized that the Stranger was
the type of person who would neither ask nor demand a Gift, nor would he take,
but rather he would give. And she thought to herself that the Stranger was a
Giver too. And who better to appreciate a Gift but a Giver?
So she sought out the Stranger, and when she found him, she tried to return
the Glue to him. He thanked her, but said that she should keep the Glue, in
case the Gift should break again.
And the Giver said "In that case, you should accept the Glue, for I wish
to give the Gift to you." And so saying, she placed the Gift in the Stranger's
The Stranger looked at the Gift, and said "This is too precious; I do
not know if I can take care of this Gift." The Giver said "I believe
that you can, and I will stay with you and help you care for the Gift when you
So the Stranger and the Giver took the Gift together, sharing in it and sharing
it, and held it as an example for all to see.