I have noticed a dramatic decline in the number of belligerent diatribes here on our beloved waste of daylight (and often most of the cooler night hours as well). In the spirit of the philosophy that we should make an effort to mold everything into what we want, I have sucked down an entire Red Bull and stopped downloading porn movies from GNUtella long enough to formulate this node.

Ahem.

So it begins. Because I am lazy; I am going to steal most of the structure from "Whose Node Is It Anyway?". Basically, I will create a node title once per week and then anyone who is interested in participating can create a write-up that has at least something considerable in common with aforementioned node title.

Due to the volatile nature of ranting, there are some points that must be taken into consideration while crafting your brilliantly offensive tirade.
  • Point 1:Negative Sexual or Racial absolutes are grounds for disqualification. These are things that no person has any say over and that make no difference anyway. To make people feel lesser than you because of their gender or race is a shining display of your ignorance; nothing else you could possibly have to say would redeem you or your write-up. To clarify, making humor in somewhat decent taste about your past romantic (or otherwise) experiences with women or men is different than saying "Women fucking suck". Try to use your best discretion.
  • Point 2: Making commentary about social class/standards/types is not a racial slur. I'm sorry, I think that the Japanese culture has some weird quirks. I hardly think I am alienating anyone by voicing any opinions I might have on them (which I'm not going to).
  • Point 3: Try to stay within the spirit of the node title. You can rant even if you don't disagree with what you are ranting about, or you can get creative and turn things around. Just try to stay within the spirit of the topic at hand.
  • Point 4: Creativity is important. Knock yourself out, shock me, I can take it.
  • Point 5: In the interest of keeping things fair and somewhat tame, please refrain from mentioning anyone from everything2. That means directly naming them to making obscure yet decipherable allusions to them. I am the only exception to this rule. You may mention me as much as you'd like, in fact, confidentially, it's a real crowd pleaser and probably wouldn't hurt your rating. That's just between us though. ;)
  • Point 6: Please make no reference to any other write-up on the node. I want each one to be untainted and original. I highly recommend waiting to read the other write-ups until after you have created your own to avoid the pollution of your own dynamic and creative musings with that crap those other punks wrote. Sad, but it happens. So you ask, why not just let you make a write-up and tell that rag-tag bunch of losers to take a hike and leave us alone. An excellent question my friend. I am only doing this to prove what a superior individual you are. A prize won is sweeter than one given (plus they outnumber us heavily I'm afraid :/ ).
  • Point 7: You do not have to be a "ranter" to take advantage of this fest of wanton verbal abuse and tasteless debauchery. I encourage you quieter folk to participate as well. It will be good for you. Bitch, moan, scream, freak out. If you have a fit and die while writing, I will deny any involvement, even under mild torture.
  • Point 8: Use correct spelling and Grammar, else I will sick dannye and Pingouin on you.
  • Point 9: I will judge every entry fairly and without bias. I will judge it on the strength and quality of your rant and not on if I agree with it and/or like you.
The Prize: I will personally C! the winner, no wait; it gets better, I will even vote for them. They will enjoy world renown, women will want to have sex with them/be them, men will want to be them/have sex with them. They will assuredly have a high station in the afterlife. It is probable that a community college will be named after them as well as a few high schools. I see a hefty a pension in the cards. I will autograph the winners' chest with a Sharpie. They will receive a lifetime supply of licorice whips as well as possible commercial endorsement contracts from companies such as JELL-O™ and NIKE™.

I will also entice editors with sweet promises of sex and power in my newly forming Empire in exchange for the winner to have their most sacred write-up placed on the editors Page of Cool and have them blessed (no guarantees though).




For the week of June 28th, 2000 - to - July 5th, 2000
The rant:

Pop music is irrefutable proof that there is in fact a Hell

The winner: Hermetic
And yes, I know I'm late. The next one will be here tommorow (13th/14th, after I sleep at any rate) I promise.

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