The Assimilation Files

Assimilate your sister's good-looking friends into Everything	Assimilate your attractive cousin into Everything	Assimilate your goldfish into Everything	You will be assimilated
The conqueror must assimilate the conquered	The British get freaked out by American nonchalance regarding capital punishment	Assimilate	The First Book of Everything
Don't let Karma bite you in the ass	The Eye of Argon	I am serving up and weildering triple secret fat ass flaming wisdoms, shit aint availing you, lamers of Edom!	How to harass someone who doesn't even get online using IRC
Eating only rice to get by	Men get turned on by lesbians much more than women get turned on by gay men	What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?	One day, E2 will attain sentience. And I'll be there to see it.
Completely implausible circumstances, even by comic book standards	How to get hit by a car	Sex just walked by me, and I didn't get any, dammit	Do we even get one whole egg in a breakfast hockey puck?
Our rover can kick your lander's ass!	Things that people do more over and over that I haven't even done once	The Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even	School of the Americas

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