After a long search, George Lucas has finally cast an Anakin for Star Wars Episode II: Lucas Makes Even More Money. It's Hayden Christensen, from Fox Family Channel's "Higher Ground". Also reportedly in the running were Ryan Phillippe, "Roswell"'s Colin Hanks (yes, Tom's son) and Paul Catermole from S Club 7. But perhaps more to the point...

It's not Leonardo DiCaprio.

For months I've been hearing that it was going to be Leo, and I dreaded it. I mean, Leo can act. That's not the issue. The issue is having to watch Star Wars amidst a mob of teenage girls who giggle and squeal every time Anakin smiles at the camera. And God forbid Anakin uses the Force to move a rock. I don't know if I could handle the simultaneous orgasm of an entire theater.

Star Wars is going to make $400 million on its own... it doesn't need Leo to pull every teenage girl in America into the theater five times a week. I don't know who this Hayden Christensen is, but I know one thing: He's not Leo.

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