There's been a lot of fuss lately about [my] High School's new dress code
. Specifically, there has been a lot of fuss lately about [my] High School's new rule concerning the tucking in of shirts (on male students wearing shirts long enough to bother with tucking in). This rule is held up to the harsh light of ridicule
when compared to other policies as can be seen by anyone sitting in the home crowd section of a Friday night football game
Now, besides the marching band
, the meeting of friends, the concession stand
, and... oh yes, the football team, there is one element of the high school football experience that, if absent, could ruin an entire evening! Yes, Virginia, I'm talking about the cheerleaders
. Ah, the cheerleaders
, without whom we would be forced to merely sit quietly and smile to ourselves whenever the game went in our favor. Yes, those same cheerleaders who jump, holler, throw those little yellow plastic footballs, and dazzle us with their superhuman feats of gymnastics
But wait. We can't have a dozen or more teenaged girls
running around doing backflips in slitted miniskirts
! Think of the children!
Think of the naked, naked thighs
! Think of the panties
! How has it come to pass that in the same school in which untucked shirts are considered grounds for Saturday detentions
, doe-eyed youths
are allowed to display their undergarments
to a crowd of hundreds!
Perhaps, though, a little thought should be given to the nature of the panties. Possibly
they are some sort of "special cheerleader panties" without any of the effects on the male
portion of the crowd which usually result from the display of regular panties. Maybe the
mystical powers of these special cheerleader panties have allowed them to slip unnoticed
eyes of our administrators
. Yes, yes, maybe these mystical powers have ingrained upon the entire
population of [my] County the concept that exposed panties are less objectionable than untucked
By now you're probably thinking "Ye gods
man, have you gone mad
? Are you really serious
about this? Exposed panties being less improper than an untucked shirt?" My answer? Here, I'll
give you a little hint.
I will be sending this as a letter to my local newspaper in the next few days. More to come as this story develops...