Not so Quick Guide to Shoveling Snow

If, as predicted, increases in greenhouse gases cause the climate to simply become more extreme, with more intense hot and cold, rather than general global warming, snow neophytes should follow these tips to shovelling snow. For to shovel snow is to know snow, and to know snow is to not drive at 5mph in the lightest flurries, nor to putter along at 65mph in a blizzard simply because you drive an SUV.

Thou Shalt Not Shovel Thy Driveway Before Clearing Thy Car.
This is easy. If you clear at least the loose snow off of your car first, it will all fall onto your driveway. No big deal since you will be shoveling it shortly. However, if you clear the drive first, the subsequent clearing of your windshield will redeposit snow onto the feshly-shoveled driveway.

Know Thy Shovel.
You get what you pay for. Plastic shovels are lighter but will do nothing against ice or those packed-snow tire tracks. Metal shovels are a boon in fighting ice, but you will overtire if you attempt to remove any significant snowfall with a metal shovel. My advice, a light, curved, plastic shovel for clearing off the new fall, and a heavy duty metal implement to do battle with the underlying ice.

Thou Shalt Divide and Conquer
It is best to shovel from top to bottom. I do not know why, but this is how the ancestors did it, and surely they were more wise than we. Begin by dividing your driveway in half, lengthwise. Most driveways are too long to clear in complete side-to-side swaths without leaving little trails of snow off the side of the shovel or constantly having to lift and throw the snow. Whenever possible avoid lifting the snow when pushing it along will do.

Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Snow Blower
Instead, with face turned away from the stinging wind, begin to clear the driveway. Keep your knees slightly bent and feet shoulder width apart to prevent slipping. Use the appropriate shovel to push or chisel the snow from your centerline to the edge of the driveway. When you reach the edge, lifting with your knees, throw the accumulated snow onto the lawn.

Thou Shalt Ignore the Bottom of the Driveway
For it is here that the slush and half melted snow is found, and shoveling it requires too much energy. Unless absolutely necessary, ignore the last 24" or so. Especially as any passing cars will spray you with salty slush whilst work. Having completed the task at hand, you may add sand, rock salt, or calcium chloride to reduce ice formation, and shovel any sidewalks. Congratulations! You have successfully shoveled your first driveway. I advise you to close your eyes or pretend to be catching snow flakes on your tongue as you return to your house so as not to see how in the time it took you do do this, another two inches has fallen where you just were.

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