Sex is an extremely emotional topic for many people,
be it due to cultural stigma, how one was raised, or a personal paranoia of it and it’s implications. The first
step to identifying a legitimate philosophy regarding sex is
to be willing to put forward ideas without any emotional
bias or personal feelings; and since it is such an embroiled
subject, many people cannot isolate sex from the emotions
that surround it (love, jealousy, etc…). Being that many
people cannot isolate these elements, then it could be said
that the majority of people are incapable of developing a
strong unbiased philosophy as to what sex is, the role it
plays, and what is the best way to approach it. It could
also be said that no one is capable of completely isolating
sex from it’s inherent emotions, but those who are more
capable would then be more well adapted to the development
of a personally useful philosophy regarding sex.
Personal note: Also, once one has established the ability to isolate sex (as a concept) from its inherent emotions and have explored what sex is to them then that individual will be more able to express their love and caring through their sexual actions.
First, we must analyze what sex is, and how it is
viewed by people with different cognitive patterns. Sex can
be viewed as:
- An act of
love
- An act of
greed
- An act of
generosity
- An act of
leisure
- An act of
pleasure
- An act of
satisfaction
- An act of
fulfillment
- An act of
kindness
- An act of
pity
- An act of
spite
- An act of
vengeance
- etc…
The way a person views a sexual act is a combination effect between the context of the encounter, how the act is performed (of course this might in fact be a function of how the act is perceived), and the mindset of the individual. So 2 individuals sharing a sexual encounter could at the same
time perceive it differently, while one might see it as an
act of love, the other individual sees it as an act of pity; this lack of balance provides a counterpoint on which many
couples might find conflict to be common. Since it is very
rare, if not impossible, for two individuals to see the act
in the exact same light, I propose something radically
different.
Suppose sex wasn’t seen as representing any of the above listed emotions, but was simply treated as an act of
expression, one in which an individual can utilize
creativity. Sex is an act of expression and creativity, and
these two elements are shared with any art form, so it could be said then, that Sex is in fact, an art form.
Sex as an art form
It is commonly said that the best sex is had when
either individual is only in for they’re own pleasure, I put forth that this is in fact a fallacy, and that the opposite
is in fact true. If one sees the act as an individual effort to attain pleasure, then, it seems to me, that the individual is presented with an extremely limited view of what sex is, and more importantly of what it can be.
Consider, if one, during the act of sex, were to
imagine him/herself not as in their own body, but instead in the body of the other, trying to feel everything they feel,
it becomes much simpler to manipulate the pleasure of that person, the sensations that are created are the brushstrokes
on the canvas that is the act, so it could be said that sex
is painting with pleasure, creating an image of sexual
ecstasy on the blank slate that presented itself before the
act. I put forward that if both individuals who are involved
in the act consider themselves to be the other person, and
imagine the sensations that the are experiencing, the
quality of the sex will increase dramatically, because you
will be acting purely for the furthermost of their pleasure.
Note: Argument against the “sex is better if you are in it
for yourself” concept.
- There is a difference between seeing the act
through the eyes of your partner (and acting purely
out of a desire to grant them pleasure), and doubting
yourself, which is the heart of the concept of centralizing
the pleasure around oneself. If you doubt your ability
to please the other person, then that doubt will affect
your ability, and thought tends to becomes reality, in
this case. The central reason as to why “Sex is better if
you are in it for yourself “ is because you’re not
focusing on doubt, you’re focusing on your
own desires; the idea of “Placing yourself inside
your partner (figuratively, not literally)” follows the
same idea, which is to eliminate any focus on doubt.
However, the focus, having been placed instead on
the sensations and pleasure being experienced by the
partner, seems obviously more conducive to mutual
pleasure, as long as both partners share this philosophy.
Sex - Personal Discourse
The theory I put forth has for the most part been
presented in the lines above, sex is best seen, for the
benefit of the pleasure of each person involved, as an art
form. As an art form it is also extremely conducive to
creativity, which is one of the key aspects of “good sex”,
as it were.
“Good Sex”
Good sex is made up of several elements, each adds
to the quality of the experience, and each is based on a
continuum (that is to say can exist at a greater or smaller
value, or any amount in between).
- How strong the motivation is toward the act
- How strongly attached one is to the other
- How well each partner knows the body of the other
- The extent to which each partner is dedicated to the pleasure of the other
- How well the bodies of the individuals physically “fit” each other
- How attractive one finds their partner (physically, intellectually, and emotionally)
However, physical attractiveness does play a more prominent role relative to the role played by the other 2 in sex itself. On the other hand, a powerful leaning to either of the other two characteristics would offset this standard.
- How open minded each partner is to the fantasies of the other
- How openly expressive each partner is of their pleasure
(feedback is everything)
- This is all I have thought of thus far, but there are
inevitably more variables.
This list alone represents a large amount of
variation in the potential quality of sex.
and each variable is, we can only assume, given a different
level of importance in the minds of each person, as each
person perceives sex from a slightly different perspective.
People, then, will find the most satisfying sex they are
capable of attaining by finding an individual who carries
the most similar perspectives toward sex, or who are capable
of being malleable.
Personal Note: I would also put forth the potential
quality of sex itself is based on a continuum, where each
element listed above adds to the total potential quality of
sex capable by that individual. Therefore, two individuals,
both sharing high levels of importance on the continuums
listed above, would be able to experience a higher total
level of objective sexual quality than, for instance, two individuals
who share similar, but lower levels of the characteristics
listed above, would still have great sex, by their
standards.
Evaluation of Quality - Personal Discourse
The basic measure for a given sexual experience in any
given encounter, should be the pleasure felt by the female,
as in any given experience, so long as each partner shares
similar traits following the theory written above, the male
will achieve climax. This basic inequality in the act of
intercourse (in that males are guaranteed an orgasm, while
females are not) imbues a responsibility in the partner to
ensure the pleasure and climax of their female partner. This
of course, calls back to the aforementioned continuums,
specifically, “The extent to which each partner is dedicated
to the pleasure of the other”; presenting this as an
important factor in the overall measurable quality of the
sex act; at least by the measuring standard I put forth
here, that being the pleasure felt by the female partner(s).