This is an old Usenet/mailing list posting. No offense intended for Russians; I know (from first hand experience) the situation in Russia was a bit less, hm, outré than what's depicted here. =)

This is, of course, a parody of the infamous Dave Rhodes chain letter that became the first wide-spread chain letter in the 'net.

Remember: Chain letters are illegal in most parts of the world, and no matter if they are or not they're definitely infuriating, so please don't participate. Thank you. =)


From: Lev Gorenstein 
Newsgroups: alt.best.of.internet
Subject: ABOI:  The parody on Chain Letters
Date: Mon, 27 Mar 1995 17:05:26 -0500
Organization: Purdue University
Lines: 173
Message-ID: 
NNTP-Posting-Host: cv4.chem.purdue.edu
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII

This is the repost from the Joke-of-the-Day mailing list by Scott Anderson. Just in case - please don't flame me, I'm NOT proposing the new MAKE.MONEY.FAST scheme! ;-) And good luck in making roubles... You need to make lots of them (current rate is ~4867 roubles per $1)...


From joker@tdkt.mn.orgMon Mar 27 16:09:00 1995
~Date: Sun, 26 Mar 1995 21:34:22 -0500
~From: Scott Anderson 
Reply to: joker@tdkt.skypoint.net
To: joke@tdkt.skypoint.net
~Subject: Russian Chain Letter

Dear Komrades,

My name is David Senovich. In August 1989, the kommunist government was overthrown, my Lada was reposessed and the KGB were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was kicked out of my post as a korrupt kommunist official and my bribes and kickbacks had run out. The only eskape I had from the being sent to the Gulag was my TRS-80 komputer and my modem. I longed to turn my advokation into my vokation. This January 1990 my family and I went on a ten day kruise to Siberia. I traded a K-Kar for potatoes in February 1990.

I am kurrently building a home by the Chernobyl nuklear plant with a private heavy water pool, boat slip, and a beautiful view of the fuming smokestacks from my breakfast room table and patio. I will never have to take kickbacks again. Today I am rich! I have earned over 400,000.00 roubles ($1.12 U.S.) to date and will bekome a bourgeoisie millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Any komrade kan do the same. This rouble making program works perfektly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000.00 roubles or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave your place, just like the Gulag.

In Oktober 1989, I reseived a letter in the mail telling me how I kould earn 50,000.00 roubles or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally thought this was a kapitalist plot and threw the letter on the desk next to my komputer. It's funny though, when you are desperate, the kapitalists have backed you into a korner, your mind does krazy things. I spent a frustrating day looking through the Pravda want-ads for a job that required no work. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my komputer and breaking into several top sekret amerikan komputer networks. I read several of the top sekret message posts and then glanced at the letter next to the komputer. All at once it kame to me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized with the revolutionary power of the komputer I kould expand and enhance this rouble making formula into the most unbelievable kash flow generator that has ever been kreated. I substituted the komputer networks in place of the post office and elektronikally did by komputer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instruktions below. Your dreams will kome true.

Sincerely yours,
Komrade Dave
skam@moskow.kgb.cccp

INSTRUKTIONS

Follow these instruktions EXAKTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have reseived well over 50,000.00 roubles in kash, all yours. This program has remained succesful bekause of the NAIVETY and STUPIDITY of the participants. Please kontinue its success by karefully ADHERING TO THE INSTRUKTIONS.

Welkome to the world of Mail Order! This little skam is a little different than most mail order houses. Your produkt is not solid and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the skam of developing Mailing Lists. The KGB happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. (The roubles made from the mailing lists is sekondary to the inkome which is made from komrades like yourself requesting that they be inkluded in that list.)

1) IMMEDIATELY mail 1.00 rouble to the first 5 (five) names listed below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send KASH only please (total investment 5.00 roubles). Enklose a note with each letter stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list." For other kountries the equivalent amount may be sent, e.g. in the United States of Amerika send a 1 cent koin as this is the lowest denomination. (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying 1.00 rouble for this service).

2) REMOVE the name that appears number 1 on the list. Move the other 9 names up on position. (Number 2 will bekome number 1 and number 3 will bekome number 2, etc.)

3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10 position into 10 (ten) separate bulletin boards in the message base or to the file sektion. Kall the file, MAKE.ROUBLES.FAST.

4) Within 60 days you will reseive over 50,000.00 roubles in KASH. Keep a kopy of this file for yourself so that you kan use it again and again whenever you need roubles. As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatikally in the mail order skam and komrades are sending you 1.00 rouble to be placed on your mailing list. This list kan than be rented to a list broker that kan be found in a dark alley for additional inkome on a regular basis. The list will bekome more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is perfektly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 13, Sek. 666 & 1312 of the traktor & lottery laws.

NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you, either on komputer or hard kopy, but do not diskard the names and notes they send you. This is PROOF that you are truly providing a service and should the KGB or some other Government Agency question you, you kan provide them with this pruf!

Remember as each post is downloaded and the instruktions karefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation as a List Developer with one rouble each. Your name will move up the list geometrikally so that when your name reaches the number five position you will be reseiving thousands of roubles in kash!

1)
Komrade Bill Klinton
Whitehouse
Washington, D.C.
United States of Amerika
2)
Komrade Boris Badenov
Cell #1313
Pottsylvania
3)
Komrade Erik Honnecker
666 Dead End Street
Kolumbia
4)
Komrade Russian Limbaugh
22 Republikan Way
New York, NY
United States of Amerika
5)
Komrade Boris Yeltsin
Olga's Vodka Pub, Table 10
Leningrad, C.C.C.P.

[Joke of the Day footer & sender signature omitted]

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