Precious Roy is the lovable sock puppet that runs the shopping network on Sifl and Olly.


from the Precious Roy Electric Teeth Whitening System
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and I'm sweating so the sand sticks.
<Olly> Precious, what about the whitening teeth thing?
<Roy> I love algebra! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Squirrel Zapper
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and I listen to the Indigo Girls.
<Olly> Hey Precious, what do you think of these Squirrel Zappers?
<Roy> You guys smell like old soup! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Civil War Corpses
<Roy> This is Precious Roy, and you kids better pay for that lap dance!
<Olly> Precious, what about the Civil War Corpses?
<Roy> Apple cider!
<Olly> What?
<Roy> SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Unknown Meat Sampler
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and I'm eating Carson Daly's left leg.
<Olly> Leave the right leg and I'll join you! But first tell us about your unknown meat sampler!
<Roy> Buy my Cave Man Burritos! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Zombie Wives
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and I am the Alpha and the Omega.
<Olly> We understand that lord but please tell us about the Zombie wives.
<Roy> Buy my firm tight athelete's body! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Demon to C-4 Converter
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and there ain’t no wax like bees wax.
<Olly> Of course there isn’t but what about your Demon to C-4 converter?
<Roy> All hail Emperor Olly! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Crack Patches
<Roy> This is Precious Roy, and I don't do drugs!
<Olly> Exactly, Precious. What about the Crack Patches?
<Roy> Kiss my rocks! You guys are suckers!
from Precious Roy's 20 Meg Moose Hard Drive
<Roy> This is Precious Roy, and your porn bites my hairy BLEEP!
<Olly> No, Precious Roy. What about these Moose Hard Drives?
<Roy> Buy my nipple clips! You guys are suckers!
from Precious Roy's Biodegradable Door Hinges
<Roy> This is Precious Roy and I've got a mouse that eats old eye-lash curlers!
<Olly> No Precious, tell us about your new, wonderful, earth friendly, Biodegradable door hinges.
<Roy> Thin Mint! You guys are suckers!
from the Precious Roy Ass Weasel
<Roy> This is Precious Roy! And we don't need no education!
<Olly> Precious, what about the ass weasels?
<Roy> Who you callin' a coffee cake!? SUCKERS!
from the Precious Roy Real World Extermination Kit.
<Roy> This is Precious Roy! And I've got sea otters living in my nostril!
<Olly> What about the extermination kits, Precious?
<Roy> Don't squash the sausages! SUCKERS!
from Precious Roy's Head-Cheese Pet
<Roy> This is Precious Roy! And you guys keep spanking my celery!
<Olly> Precious, what about the Head-Cheese Pets?
<Roy> Buy my hamster slaves! SUCKERS!
Precious Roy. Precious Roy. Makin' little suckers outta girls and boys.

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