The graveyard shift is rough. For the past six months, I've been pumping noise on the airwaves and on the Internet at WRIU, every Wednesday morning from 3 AM to 6 AM. Despite measures to wake me up, such as very loud alarm clock and taurine, I have managed to sleep through my show twice and fall asleep on the air once. The first time I missed my show resulted in a month-long suspension, since I happened to completely miss our annual fundraiser. The program director nearly fired me.

So here was my schedule during the year, starting Tuesday night:

10:00PM - 12:00AM
Get stuff ready: select about 30 records and a few CD's, put my slipmats, headphones, and phono needles in my bag (I do NOT trust the needles at the studio. They produce an audible squeak during silent parts of the record and they've already put unavoidable skips in some gems)

12:00AM - 2:00AM
Sleep.

2:00AM - 2:30AM
Wake up.

2:30AM - 3:00AM
Walk down to the studio, punch in my code for 24 hour access to the student union, climb to the 3rd floor. If the prior DJ isn't playing vinyl, I change the needles and rebalance the tonearms. Then I take the transmitter readings.

3:00AM - 6:00AM
I play techno for three hours, making sure to play 3 public service announcements and one ad for another WRIU show every hour. I usually screw up once a night (say something stupid or mess up an artist's name on the air, leave too much dead air between tracks, FALL ASLEEP, play a 33 rpm track at 45 rpm, hit pause on the wrong CD player, etc.) Sometimes equipment failures get in the way. About half the helpful lights on the sound board are out. The two turntables are at drastically different levels. At least one of our four CD players is always acting up. I usually dedicate one of those to playing PSA's, so that leaves with me two to cue up tracks.

6:00AM
Rebalance tonearms with the studio's needles. Return to my dorm to eat breakfast and sleep, until 10:00AM when I have class.

During the summer, I have an hour long drive to the studio, so I wake up at 1:30 after working from 9AM to 10PM. Once my alarm clock didn't wake me up, so I now have my computer set to turn on and play The Advent right into my ear right when my alarm goes off.

I don't receive many calls, but I have been asked out on a date by a VERY sketchy man. My girlfriend usually calls, and occasionally I've gotten calls from people working the night shift or on the way to work in the morning. Once my friend from the record store came in (he's the station's traffic director) to check his e-mail, and offered me a few swigs of tequila. I've also had the pleasure of playing the following tricks:

• Free association theater
• A concert recording of Tool playing Tim Leary samples over drumbeats fading right into a remix of DJ Krust
• Japanese instrumental hip hop with Mumia Abu-Jamal being interviewed on top.
• Songs with samples from French porn movies.
• Two complete albums by Tosca in one night, and nothing else.

I also get to listen to nifty new music before it's officially released. HA! :)

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APPENDICES

Appendix A - Weird/cool shit I have found in the record bins at WRIU

• The complete recordings of Yellow Magic Orchestra
• Japanese experimental hip-hop performed live in London by two members of The Boredoms
• Vinyl from the Boredoms
• Nitzer Ebb's That Total Age with all the singles
• A Detroit techno compilation issued by under "trance"

A note: this write-up is about college radio stations in the US. I don't know what equivalents to the FCC exist in other countries or whether those countries contain radios or shows, and if they do, whether they call them by different names than I do.

I'm a college radio DJ. I spend two hours a week in a studio that is shaped like a fat book stood on end, walls papered with obscure band posters featuring messy-haired guys a few years older than me looking bewildered and cool, and a tangle of black wires arching below a thick particle-board table - bolted to which are shelves and devices with blinking lights and swaying needles - playing music for and talking to probably hundreds of people at once. That sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?

It can be, if you have the time and charisma to be featured on a radio show. (Do not ask me if I do). I, myself, do my show with an old roommate of mine, so there isn't much pressure to do everything perfectly. I don't have to be terribly personable, and I don't have to be able to work the boards with lightning speed. My buddy knows that stuff better than I do anyway and he usually takes care of it. And since it's a college station, not much is expected of us. But at the same time, I've found that there are some bits of advice which, handed down from the nice folks who work for our school and listen to our station almost constantly, can be pretty useful, whether you are an already-operating or aspiring college radio DJ.

• Profanity: Because college stations are funded with school money and really can do without fines from the FCC, their rules regarding profanity are probably a bit more stringent than those you might observe on a larger station. And don't assume you can get away with anything - FCC people will be listening to your show. If something even mildly horrendous slips out of your mouth, apologize: the infraction will be let go if it is followed by an apology.
• Music: Congratulations - you are a DJ who is virtually unburdened by corporate ties! This means that you have the opportunity to play music that would otherwise not be heard by very many people, instead of music which is inextricably tied with a thick web of advertising and consumerism. A lot of people listen to college radio - the playlists you put together might have a real impact on what people are listening to in the future. Don't play what everyone else does! Don't appease The Man!
• Talking: Since you are doing everyone a favor by providing them with cool music that they haven't heard before, try not to cloud it all up by talking too much. That isn't to say that your show should be without personality, but don't jump in after every song with an anecdote either. People will complain to your station about you if you talk too much - I've seen it happen. Give your listeners a small blurb about what they are listening to every three to four songs. Remember that your show is ultimately about music - if you are DJing mostly to pump up your own name, you are doing it for the wrong reason.
• Complaining: Your listeners will not like it if you complain on air about how you do not have listeners. Don't get discouraged either if you do not get any callers on your request line, if you have one - just be sure to give it out on the air every once in a while. Once you get callers don't abuse them. Similarly, don't make fun of the people who live in the town or city surrounding your school ... there are probably a fair number of them doing you the favor of listening to your show. Be cool.
• Use those PSAs: You will be required by your station to send Public Service Announcements over the airwaves, either by reading them yourself or by playing them on discs in the studio. It is a great opportunity to let people around campus know about events you are particularly excited about or to spread awareness about an issue that you feel does not get enough attention. However, be sure not to tell your listeners that you are going to play or read a PSA before you do - they will probably change the station.

Radio DJing can be a great experience if you do it correctly and it is something you enjoy doing. Realize, however, that there is responsibility in the position, and that there are people listening to and judging what you do on the air. Also realize that your actions can have consequences to your school (it goes without saying that if you wanted to screw over your institution you could probably get their radio license revoked by spewing virulent, profane crap over the air without apology) ...